Resentment Can Creep In

Today I am off on another Ugandan mission.

  Not to Uganda, but to serve some special Ugandan peeps that I dearly love.

  

Much of our time and attention and resources and passions seem to land on "Uganda", directly or indirectly.  I don't know why, it's just the calling the Lord has for us.  We know people, we have connections, we have an adopted Ugandan daughter, we have children we love and support in Uganda.  We have a very special son, that we ADORE that calls me Mom and Charlie Dad, and when we go there, we try to spend every moment possible with him.  We consistently communicate with him and love him from afar, and he is such an encouragement and blessing to our family.

 We have invested in a lot of lives there.  A big portion of our hearts, and our time and conversations are definitely pulled in that part of the world several times a day.

Once in a while, usually when I am feeling overwhelmed and tired, I ask myself....WHY?

  It just gets hard and I begin to let resentment creep in.

 * THIS IS SIN!*

And it creeps in when I look at myself or the people, or the giant tasks and I get my focus on

 ministry vs. JESUS!

  God called us to love on the people we love on.  He is the one that gave us the connections and the resources to help and bless others. 

 None of what we have is our's, it's all a gift from our Heavenly Father anyway, so why would I care how He wants me to use it.  I belong to Him and all I have belongs to Him.

But......needless to say, when I forget THAT for even a moment....I begin to think...
WHAT ABOUT ME AND MINE?

**** just to clarify********

God takes AMAZING care of me,  He gives me special gifts EVERY SINGLE DAY, that I know are directly from Him and they bless me to my very core, but AGAIN, when I take my eyes off of Jesus, I am unsatisfied and frustrated and overwhelmed.

I don't even realize it's happening, it is so subtle and sneaky, but today the Lord spoke to my heart a truth that I will GO BACK TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!

I was praying and asking the Lord to protect my kids from resentment for the time and energy spent on "ministry".  I had projected my "feelings of resentment" onto them and didn't even realize it.  I was asking the Lord to keep them from feeling resentment for all the time and energy, money and attention we give towards our "ministry".

  *We don't really have an official "Uganda ministry," I'm just giving it that title for the sake of explanation.*

 I have seen so many times how children can grow resentful of the ministry or work their parents do, because it takes so much away from the "family".

The Lord spoke so clearly to my heart I have to blog it so I am reminded.

 He told me that  I and ALL of my kids will be completely resentful of our time and energy and money that are spent on  ANY ministry or ANYTHING that is NOT about them, if I let them be the focus.

 If our focus is self centered, there will always be huge resentment from everyone.

  If we are Jesus centered IN ALL WE do, and we teach our children to be Jesus centered then there is NO RESENTMENT.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (ESV)

5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

I would rather move to the ends of the earth in a mud hut and be in God's will for my life than to live in a mansion and know that I am not doing what He called me to. 

*Now...I'm not saying it is His will to move me to a mud hut or that He won't move me to a mansion.  He can do whatever He wants.*

If I keep my eyes on Jesus and keep pointing straight to HIM with my kids, He can take care of their hearts and my heart and he can bring joy that all the time and attention and money in the world can never bring.