Mom on a Mission

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Fight or Friendship

 I asked these three young men to share a piece of their story with us this last weekend.
 I can't get over it.
 When I tell you these guys are world changers, I mean it.
 They are all different and wild and full of life.
These guys are all bright and spread out all over the map in every way.
When they come together it's a feeding frenzy.
They feed on food and knowledge and friendship.


It seemed like a pretty simple moment sitting in a restaurant, and it turned into one of those times that we all knew was special and deep and different.
These guys are beating the odds. 
They are not going with the flow of the world or taking the easy route in any aspect of their lives.
They do the hard stuff.  They work hard and play hard; they learn and love hard things.


Claiborne took us on a journey of what his college life was, and the changes that he has made in the process.  He has had quite a journey and non of it easy, but very amazing.
 He has learned to mature and to own who he is and what he knows about himself and the world. 
 
He reminded us of how him and Kole became best friends.
 They had a class together their freshman year and they were literally going to fight, and walked away best friends.  I think they felt a connection and it was going to be a fist and face connection or a heart connection.  I'm so glad for the connection they decided on.  Claiborne's freshman year, he came to Oregon and met us, and when I learned a little bit about him I knew he was in our lives forever.  He remembers the day we were taking family pictures and I told him it was a commitment.  I don't take family pictures lightly.  It's a bit like a covenant to me.  He made the decision to be in the picture and from that day on he has been a part of the family.  Claiborne was pretty quiet when I first started "mothering" (pelting with questions) him, so I learned that he loved cookies.  I would bake cookies and tell him he owed me 10 minutes of conversation per cookie.  He liked my cookies, and I liked baking them and learning more about him, so I got to know him pretty well when he lived with us for a summer.

 

This weekend we had the honor of meeting more of his family and they are the best.  They cheered on their Claiborne with such pride and excitement. 
 
 They did a family huddle before parting ways after the graduation and it was so sweet and powerful.   I can tell these people stick together thru thick and thin and love each other strongly.  I'm thankful our circle widened, and now we have even more "family" to love.
  Claiborne had us cheering on one side, and his family cheering on the other side.
 
  We had him surrounded on all sides, with love and support and cheering and whistles and pictures. 
There were over a 1000 graduates and Claiborne stood out among them in every way. 
He is a special guy and we are blessed to have him in our lives.

Brady shared with us his journey in deciding to go to medical school.  I'm excited to watch him become all he is called and equipped to be. Brady is crazy smart, and he is also one of the most polite people I have ever known.  He knows how to treat people with respect and he knows how to relate.  He also shared how he is learning thru teaching, and the things he is learning are about looking deeper into the kids he is teaching.  I know whatever he does will be profound and will make this world a better place to be for everyone.

 Kole, very unwillingly shared a poem that he wrote for a class at Eternity Bible College.  It was good, really good.  He was not very excited to share it, but Kole can be bought.  So.....I paid him to read it, and now I feel like I own that poem (just saying).  Kole has a passion inside of him and a thirst for knowledge and it is all pointed straight at Jesus.  I feel like he is being refined and matured and when he gets his orders from above he will be ready, set, and  he will GO with everything in him.

We ended our time together with Charlie and I getting the privilege and honor of praying over these guys and also for Claiborne's beautiful girlfriend, Erica. We joined hands right in a simple Mexican restaurant and felt connected to God and to each other.  We left knowing more and loving deeper. 

This is what I know to be true....this is only the beginning for these guys and our continued prayers for them. These guys are world changers, and I pray that they put all their big passions and hunger for knowledge into knowing and loving the God that gave them their  amazing lives. I pray they continue to live full speed ahead, taking in everything they can, and pouring out the love that has been given to them for the
 GLORY OF GOD.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Love Like A Mother

My definition of being a good mom has changed over the years. 
 Maybe I'm tireder or maybe I'm wiser, either way I've changed.



I'm not the field trip, theme birthday party, picnic kinda mom.  I still have little ones, but I don't do these things very often.

I love the women that do these amazing things, and I did them, years ago, but it never came super natural for me.
Maybe I'm tireder or maybe I'm wiser, but it just seems like a lot of extra work to take care of me these days also. 
I have given this job to Jesus full time. 
 He loves me and takes care of me and whips me into shape by His Word. 
 I still have to do the maintenance things that women do, but when it comes to caring for me....I need all the work on the inside where it lasts and I need a serious professional,
God himself, not myself.
  If I spend too much attention on the outside it just seems to get snotted on or puked soon after anyway.


When I asked the grown kids recently what we did that impacted their lives for the better, and the answers I got were things about relationship and time.  
Relationship with God and with people.
  Their answers had to do with the fact that Charlie and I were together forever,  and that we loved Jesus and taught them what that looked like at home in our daily lives.
  They answered, saying when we invited others in and opened our home and our hearts to others; it made an impact. 
 This seems so crazy, because when you invite others in, no matter what level, it means some sacrifice and sharing time and stuff.
  But this is what they valued the most. 
 Isn't that so opposite of what the world will tell you?




It reminded me of when the older kids were little kids and I had decided to make their summer amazing.  This was even before facebook or pinterest where I could get likes for such an awesome summer. 
I decided at least a couple of times each week we would go somewhere or do something that centered around them having fun and making memories.  
As I was exhausted at the end of these days, when I would tuck their tired little bodies into bed, I would ask what was their favorite part about the day,  and the answer would be something like this:
The Snacks.
When we stopped in and saw Meme at the fairgrounds.
When dad came home and we got hay together.

I was like what in the world am I doing????



My "me" time is usually spent running or driving. 
 There is something about forward movement, I guess.
 Running, because I love it and I need it;  I need to get this heart to beating and lungs working hard; and driving because I can strap down the little ones and let my heart and breathing calm down and I can enjoy good coffee and good worship music. 
  My "me" time is usually spent trying to keep my head on straight and my heart tender to the things of the Lord.  None of this comes super natural for me, it takes a super-natural God to keep my head and heart in the right rhythm. 
 I have to press in hard and long for a tender heart and clear mind.

The older I get the more Jesus time I need, not less.  I need to get before God and ask and receive from Him long before I can face the day or people. 

My kids are my first mission field, they see me at my worst and and my best, and I'm their first introduction to Jesus. 
 This terrifies me actually, but it's where I see God's grace the most at work in me and thru me.


2 Corinthians 4:15-16English Standard Version (ESV)

15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

The way I see it, the outer layer isn't going to get any better at this point, and it's only going to last so many years anyway....so I may as well  put the work on the inside, that can be transformed and renewed and be made more beautiful as the years go by forever.

The other part I have come to understand, is being a mother is a heart condition.  
Sometimes it comes thru birth and sometimes thru adoption, and sometimes just simply thru a mother's heart.  




When you have the heart of a mother, whether you are a mother or not, you just are a mother to anyone that comes into your heart and needs to be loved with the
 MOTHER LOVE.

God gave mothers the
 MOTHER of LOVE.

 MOTHER LOVE
 is fierce and wild and tender and big and crazy.

May we all love with the MOTHER LOVE and LOVE like a MOTHER!


Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Pumped To Lay It Down

I had the privilege of attending CAFO  for a second time. 
Christian Alliance For Orphans.
IT WAS SO GOOD!



I felt encouraged and humbled and blessed and encouraged and humbled and blessed and over and over again.

The theme seemed to be remembering that we are made from dust and God has put us together and breathed His life into us; He is amazing and He has invited us into His work to bring glory to Him and Him alone. 
What a privilege and honor and what amazing and challenging work He has invited us into.

We were surrounded for 2 days with thousands of people that are living this out in a beautiful way.  There is a lot of brokenness and restoration represented in this kind of conference.
 People are at the end of themselves,
 and yet so full of light and love.

God's heart is for the orphan, and there is no better way in my mind, to get close to  the heart of God than to care for the orphan. 
 It will rip your heart out of your chest and then God will do His thing and repair and reconcile hearts with His love.
He will do a work in all the hearts that bring their brokenness to Him for love and repair.
God is after our hearts and our kids' hearts,
 He is interested in lovers, not performers.
He is too good and too kind to settle for anything less than total
surrender.

The beauty of orphans and orphan loving people is that is very clear that there is need of help and healing, and so it doesn't take long to get painfully honest.  This is a gift.  We all need to get to this place one way or another, because we all need Jesus to help and heal us, so the sooner the better.

I was reminded how disgusting our pride is and how amazing our God is. 
 In mission work of any kind we can start to think we have done something wonderful, when the truth of the matter is, our Father is so wonderful  and He invites us into His wonder and we get to enjoy a piece in the redemptive story. 
Many times the mission we are on, and the God we serve get switched around, 
we begin to worship
 ministry - family - work 
 because we once loved God; 
instead of doing all these very important things because we worship God and 
LOVE
 Him first and most and forever.

Revelation 2:2-5New Living Translation (NLT)

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting.
“But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.
One of the worst mistake we can make is to elevate anything we do, even good things, above our faithful Father who has given us life and breath.

We are so drawn to results and work that can be seen at the end of the day, and accomplishments that we can measure and share.  God is so much bigger and better than anything we can measure or accomplish. 
 I was reminded once again of how easy it is to GO and do and leave God in the dust, instead of remembering that I am made of dust, and He, in all His grace and mercy has allowed me to GO and do anything.

I've been tired and a bit overwhelmed in this season of my life.
 My parents have moved away, my big kids have moved away, and it's mostly me and my hard working man and our 6 non-driving, teen and young, very active, involved kids. 
 It's nothing compared to what so many are doing, but for a bit I was feeling pretty tired and lonely.  
All I had to do this weekend was look around and it humbled me.  
I quit looking at myself and began to turn to Jesus (this is repentance) and remember who is in charge, who is my strength, and who my faithful Father, who my provider is, and I'm ready to
 GO. 

Pumped up to lay flat on my face and be amazed that God allows me to be a part of 
His-Story 
with my life.
These peeps need me to remember and remind us that God holds us together and breathes HIS life into us;
instead of trying to hold it all together for us,
 in my flailing panicked hyperventilating routine.  

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Cheeto Prints on My Wine Glass

Here is a picture of my night life:


Many facebook friends take pictures of their beautiful plates of food or their romantic settings with wine.  

This is a picture I snapped for a few of my closest friends last night. 
 Not staged, or filtered. 
I mean, who would stage such a scene?
 This is us, this is real.  This picture that just tells the truth. 

 We can all debate the harm of cheetos and the trap of wine or we can just look at it for what it is.  Cheetos made my littles happy and encouraged at least one bite of broccoli last night.  
The wine makes me feel grown up and sophisticated at the kids table among the cheeto eaters, which I have sat amongst for the last 25 years.

  We don't make a habit of cheetos or wine.
We don't eat the whole bag or drink the whole bottle.
And we only enjoy them together for REALLY special occasions.

Last night, the special occasion was that I had lived thru Wal-Mart shopping another day.
I made it to multiple kids' pick ups and drop offs and an appointment on time without having to take even one kid into a public restroom.
There was no kid games or track meets to suffer cheer at.

So....for this season, this night is very rare and special.

Let me take you on a tour of my table;  I have wine in a wine glass, but it's a pretty sturdy set up.  I have cheetos that I can grab at random as they are scattered all over the table.  I am at a tiny plastic table with tiny plastic chairs in front of a tiny wall heater. 
I am warm relaxed and satisfied. 
 I am in the company of tiny people that think I am the bomb because I made brownies on this day 
AND
 let them eat cheetos as a side dish
 FOR DINNER.

My littles ate with joy and then ran off to get the last few minutes of  screaming play in for the day, and I was left by myself  at the table listening to worship music inside, and pigs squealing outside.  The big kids and hubby were outside rounding up the 4H pigs and fixing their pen that they keep escaping out of. 
*clarification...the pigs keep escaping from their pen, NOT the teens*

When the teens and hubby came in for the night, I graduated to the big people table.  We  enjoyed conversation that did not include cheeto bribes, and we included meat served on ceramic plates.

For that moment,
it's me and my wine glass with cheeto prints all over it.


Only God himself could give me such a blessed and
 messy
 full
 life.

1 Corinthians 9:19, 22-23

19 Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. 22 When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. 
Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. 23 I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.
*emphasis mine*

Sunday, April 16, 2017

He Is Risen. May He Rise Up In Me!

Today is Easter!!  Jesus is risen!!!  He has conquered sin and death.  

As He rises the SUN everyday, may His SON rise in us.  Make us beautiful just like the SUNRISE.  Everyday, even on cloudy days may your SON rise just like the SUN!

In Kenya last year when Charlie was there.
 
May He rise up in our hearts and bring GLORY to His name.

He has risen.  May He rise up in me.  

Lord, make my life a SONRISE that I may shine your glory everywhere I go, everything I do.

Jesus is ALIVE and may He LIVE in me, fully ALIVE!!!!



Praying for the leaders of our homes, and families, and churches, and country, that they may 
LEAD IN FOLLOWING JESUS!!!!

At the beach a few months ago.




Monday, March 20, 2017

Cellie Joy Turns "2"


It is my baby's birthday today.  She turned 2.
I remember praying for fresh joy in my life, and God delivered this little slice of 
"Pie".
That is her nick name,  as we were so hoping she would be born on Pi day, 3-14-15,
but her name is
Cellie Joy,
and she brings Joy everywhere she goes and to everyone she meets.
This was not the joy I was thinking of when I was praying, but this is so much better and sweeter and fuller than anything I could have thought or imagined.  A baby was the last thing I was thinking of when I was praying that prayer, but God knew what would truly bring Joy, I thank Him everyday.







Cellie is such a reminder to me that God gives good gifts, and loves to surprise His children with JOY!  

We have had a fun day of celebrating this little love and we are glad that she is officially 2 because she has been practicing for this age for quite some time.

Psalm 32:10-11

10 
Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
    but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
11 
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
    and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Derailed - Wrecked by Grace

Grace wrecked my life a few years ago.  I’ve been a Christian since I can remember, and I’ve also been a 
“good girl,"
 (as far as most knew, for the most part) 
because I have always been a natural people pleaser.  I never wanted people to be unhappy with anything I did or didn't do.  
The natural response to that, is to live life, but not too much and not too little.
  Don’t make waves too big, that way, nobody really notices you.
 This works good for my personality.


THEN!!!! 
 I got wrecked.
Not physically, but in my heart.
 My heart woke up.
 I realized the GRACE I had been given in my life.  I understood more fully what God had done for me and for the world.
He gave me my life, and then He gave me His life. 
It kills me! 
I was a sinner and have a perfect
 Savior- Redeemer-God
Jesus Christ my Lord
 who exchanged His life for mine.
This is GRACE.
 This isn’t me, or anything I’ve done right or wrong.
  It’s GRACE!
So I began to live in that GRACE filled place and my heart went wild. 
Wild for Jesus.
Wild for Jesus, in the way that I felt a love for Him that I had never felt, and in spite of my non-wave making personality, the LOVE and excitement overwhelmed me and made me
do things that weren’t always pleasing to people.  
I began taking risks that were out of character and I began speaking up and making some waves.
I went off the rails of who people thought I was and off the rails of what people knew me to do and I LIVED
 for the first time.

Then, somehow in the last few years I have slipped into old habits of trying to please people and conform to what people thought I should do, or who they thought I should be.
I became so confused and felt guilt instead of freedom.
I felt striving, instead of peace.
Everything felt heavy and wrong and dead.

2 Corinthians 3:16-17

16 But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Jesus had not left me and I had not walked away from God, I just paid way more attention to what I was doing and who I wasn't, then who God is and what He has done. 
I forgot to enjoy and live in GRACE.
I wanted to jump on a train and head the right direction and not screw up anything or anyone. 
I didn’t trust GRACE to keep me IN-LINE.
 The freedom in GRACE felt free and  unpredictable and wonderful and risky.
I missed it, but didn’t know how I had gotten back on the train, I just thought it was like losing that
 “lovin feelin’.
  I thought maybe it's just a rush and then it’s all grit from there.

I would have a GRACE thrill here and there, but would quickly retreat to safer territory.
This is such a sad look at GRACE…it’s like saying it’s all a feeling and it’s only temporary and it runs out or at the very least it gets dry and boring and hard and rigid.
This is not grace. 
GRACE is full and ALIVE and never ENDING.  It only increases as we walk in it.
It gets deeper and wider with each step.


I think that’s one of the things that I love about going to Uganda….I feel that GRACE, I know I stand out, and I know I’m an idiot to their “culture”, so I don’t try to to find the rails…I can only find the GRACE and the FREEDOM so I just OWN it and I operate in it. 
And my heart comes to life, it breaks like a dam and it flows with a fresh rush of
 GRACE.
 
I can feel my heart waking up and I am once again wrecked by

GRACE.
I pray I never retreat, that I walk into the deep of it all and feel the peace and flow and thrill of 
GRACE!

Before you think....OH DEAR GOD...what is she gonna do?  
It's not about what I do or don't do....it's about what Jesus already did for me.
I pray He has Kingdom work for me to DO, 
and no matter what I'm doing,
 I am a daughter to the King of Kings, God is my FATHER,
and I am being LOVED by the CREATOR and giver of LIFE.


*So. Are. You!*
 I dare you to grasp THAT and not be WRECKED by the power of it all.*

Colossians 1:9-12

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy; 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Happy Birthday Mikiyas!

This weekend we went to the beach and celebrated Mik!  
He had a basketball tournament and it was his birthday, so we figured there was no better way to celebrate him then go and cheer like a bunch of freaks and eat cupcakes with his team. 
 It's a ready made party weekend with lots of entertainment!  


 Mik plays with a team of guys that have played basketball together for several years.  It is a little team with a lot of diversity, and a whole bunch of puberty hormones, and feelings and attitudes and fun, and good hard life lessons all wearing the same jersey.
Coach deserves a trophy for taking on this group like he has.  He deals with a lot of "stuff" that doesn't have anything to do with basketball, but has a whole bunch to do with some messy teen life.  These guys aren't your run of the mill teens (if there is such a thing), they are super diverse from the inside, and on the outside.

It's amazing the power of sweat though, it's refreshing to see these guys work hard together and sweat it out as a team. 
 Many times when they bring it all together, it's really exciting to watch and cheer them on.
  

Mik is a gift to this family.  I have watched the Gospel  take root in his heart and see the power of forgiveness at work in his life.
 He has truly learned to receive and give grace. Mik knows what it is like to be treated unfairly by circumstances and people, and yet he knows the power of love and trust and he is growing in both of those, as much and as fast as he is growing in his body.

Mik got Student of the Month Award at school in December.  This is just one huge example of how well Mik is doing.  Mik has also worked hard to be in Honor Society this year. 

Mik is smart and he is kind.

Mik can make me crazy (and not the good kind, if there is such a thing), and turn it around really fast and make me crazy proud of him.
I know that God gave us Mik for so many reasons and I also know that we could have missed this amazing kid by not taking a crazy quick leap of faith.
We needed Mik as much as Mik needed a family and neither one of us knew it at the time.
He will always be a reminder to me, that God gives good gifts and blessings, but sometimes it looks and feels scary for everyone, but it's worth the risk.


 Mik has a funky "lump in his throat" that the Dr. is keeping an eye on. 
We are praying big prayers with big lumps in our own throats, that God heals this and it's not another "issue"
 that Mik has to work through.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Sweet 16 Esther!



 Happy Sweet 16
 Mirembe Esther Brewer.


Esther is one of the strongest people I know.  She is strong in body, mind, and spirit.  It is her strength that has made her a survivor and a conqueror.  She has endured many hardships and crazy blessings in her short 16 years.  Esther's life and experiences can explain how she can feel so low and then so high in a short time frame.  She has experienced some desperate lows and some elating highs in her short life.  


 Esther, in the Bible was a strong orphan girl, that against all odds became a queen and ended up saving her people by standing for what was true.  She rose to the challenge and did the hard thing in spite of the fear and risk when she was faced with adversity. 
 I believe Esther was named providentially, she is a princess for sure and she is strong and can do hard things and come out on top.  She has a way with people, that draws them in,  and as she grows and matures she will be used by God in more beautiful and powerful ways.

This daughter of mine has challenged me in many ways, I have learned things about myself through my relationship with Esther, in my faith and in my parenting, and I am so grateful to God for giving me Esther as a daughter and a gift to all our lives.
  We do the hard work together to learn and grow and bond, and we both have learned to love so much better. 
 Esther's life has  taught me so much about my adoption in Jesus. 


 Esther is a daughter and a sister and an auntie and a friend. 
 Esther is funny and playful.

 

Esther is also deep in her thoughts and in her heart.  She can be hard to break through the surface, but man, when you dig deep with her and hang in there with her, there is a treasure so beautiful that it's worth every single bit of the digging.



Charlie and Esther have a very special bond.  He and her connected before I knew anything about her, and he went back to Uganda and brought her home when it was time. 
She is the kid that Charlie was in charge of the "delivery" and he did an amazing job, it was a true labor of love.
 
Esther is Cellie's absolute favorite person in the whole world. 
 You can't fool Cellie, she knows true love and Esther is all
 "her's".

Saturday, February 18, 2017



The words that I felt like God just speaking to me for the year 2017 is:
 REMEMBER and TIMING.

Remember who God is and what He has done, and His timing which usually translates as
WAITING.

My mind and fb page has been flooded with memories lately.

The two big memories that I am camped on right now are when Lashae was a senior in high school, in 2010.  She told us that she had missions BIG on her heart.  She had no idea where or what or even why, but she knew she felt urgent about it!  
 I was soooooooo fine-ish with it, once she just finished high school with the honors that she had worked for all her student life, and had her college career well under way, and had saved all the money needed, and had the perfect opportunity, with the perfect safety measures, with a the perfect experience of 5,000 people around her, and the perfect suitcase and clothes and hair style and 
blah blah blah.

Then, my lovely brother-in-law, Justin, decided to answer God's call and throw together a mission team and go to Uganda and have it just a few weeks before my first born valedictorian daughter  graduated.
(It wasn't actually "thrown" together, there was a lot of planning and prayer that went into it, but to ME, the MOTHER, it felt THROWN together.)
 

  She was positive this was an opportunity that God was giving her.   I was positive it wasn't God at all,  and if it was, He must have forgotten He made me the mother.
  I reminded God, that He gave me a job to raise her and I was doing a pretty fantastic job until He came along and took over her heart, before she was even 18 of all things. 
 I mean I wanted her to love Jesus, but not do anything out of order, she could sing songs and pray and go to a few Bible studies and then, when her life was in order, and she was an adult, she could do something that He laid on her heart. 
 His timing seemed so wrong.


As it turned out....she went, and Charlie got to go,  and God messed him up too.  Charlie spent the whole time NOT watching our daughter, which is what he was SENT for 
(according to me.)
  He was too busy crying and dealing with His own heart that was being changed and lit on fire for Jesus.
  Charlie came back with a passion for Jesus that I had never seen in him, and he was listening to the Holy Spirit and responding in a way that is still effecting lives.

  God's timing messed with me! 
 As my husband was NOT watching our daughter, but falling in deep crazy love with Jesus and sponsoring kids and committing to adopting our daughter, I was at home getting served papers on the foreclosure of our house. 

A few weeks after Lashae and Charlie returned from their first trip, they were at a church sharing about their Uganda trip; it was at that service, Charlie announced that we were going to pursue adopting Esther, as I  was in the car having a wrestling match with God over it.
  I explained to Him that I had a heart for adoption, and I could tell this was our girl by Charlie's love for her, but I reminded Him that we were in a financial hardship and I would be happy to follow His lead just as soon as he straightened out our mess.  God, thankfully did not listen to my plan and timing, He faithfully led us thru the adoption process at the same time that we were dealing with a financial mess.  This was 7 years ago, and  our daughter has been home for almost 6 years now, and our house situation is still not fixed.  God has been faithful and generous to provide, above and beyond everything we need and ask for. 
 He has taught us a lot about  REMEMBERING to trust Him and His TIMING.
  He has taught us to obey even when it makes no sense to us or anyone else at the time.  

 

There have been several things that God has lead us into, without any doubt, that I thought we would be right in that place for a long time.....and it ended up being a short season.
Then there are situations that I'm sure He is going to resolve and fix or get us out of very quickly and we remain right there for a looooooooooooooong time.

I don't get it, and I don't like it,
but I have learned to TRUST Him
(more.)
 It may not look pretty and I can't hear the angels singing, but I can REMEMBER where we were and WHO we are following and it's all worth it.

Following Jesus, and His leading in our lives, is messier than I ever thought it could be, and more beautiful than I can see with my eyes, 
 it's harder than I ever imagined and more wonderful than I ever knew possible.
 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Staying High!

I remember as a kid going to church camp every year and experiencing a new closeness with the Lord and with the people I had been to camp with.  I remember coming home from that "high" and getting kinda
 "down".

I remember feeling changed and excited to only come home and feel a let down when I got back to my normal life, normal chores, normal family.
I didn't know what to do with it all.......
I experience the same sort of high and low when I come home from a mission trip.



Sometimes the things I have experienced are too hard and too wonderful to convey or process.

You see things, that you don't understand, let alone can explain, and you experience things that are too glorious to put into words, so it all just stirs in my heart. 
 If I'm not careful it can stir up stuff like resentment and depression because I just don't know where to go with it all.  This time I experienced the "high" like none other and I could feel that stirring in my heart.  I asked the Lord to stir up my heart and let it be used for Him, not turned into a low.



Don't get me wrong.  I love my normal life, my normal chores, and people.  I was pumped to come home and see my people, my little girls, my big girls and my grands and my man!!  And then I got to travel home home and see the rest of the peeps.  I had missed them all so much.  I had never been away as long as I was this time.   But even all that gave me a bit of a low, because I had to leave my big girls and my grands to come home, and then I was only home for a few days and Kole headed out.
 My heart has felt like a revolving door of hello and goodbyes. 
 I suck at goodbyes.

Early in 2016 I began praying:
 "TURN UP THE GLORY DIAL.". 

I was memorizing,

2 Corinthians 3:17-18(ESV)

17 Now the Lord[a] is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
and it led me to pray,
TURN UP THE GLORY DIAL. 
 I'm needing to see some faster glory transformation, because what I'm seeing is more wrinkles and gray hair than glory on this 'ole girl.

As I started DOWN that road of the LOW, I remembered who is on HIGH.

Isaiah 55:9

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
 

Maybe the glory dial looks like a big whirlwind in the heart.
Jesus is stirring some things in my heart and this time I set some action to it, because I've been down this road before, when He gives a good stirring  and then, within about 24 hours I have talked myself right out of  it and it turns to that low.  


JESUS, STIR ME IN A WAY THAT BRINGS ME CLOSER TO YOU AND BRINGS GLORY TO YOUR NAME!!!

Psalm 61:1-3

61 Hear my cry, O God,
    listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
    when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
    that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
    a strong tower against the enemy.



I'm staying 
 HIGH!!!