Mom on a Mission

Mom on a Mission

Sunday, September 25, 2016

What Wreck? I'm the Wreck!

Ephesians 6:16-18English Standard Version (ESV)

16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,
Holy Smokes!!! 
 My shield (and cars) of faith is getting seriously dented up these days, but I'm sure glad the shield is strong and in place.  17 days ago, Esther called with THE VOICE.  The voice that only says the word MOM, but it translates a million things between MOM and the next word she could squeeze out of her emotionally constricted throat.  She had called to tell me that her and Charlie and Mik had been in a car wreck.  Once I could figure out what she was saying....I asked if everyone was OK, and they were all fine, so nothing else mattered.  I knew God had protected them so much.

Charlie  had been on edge and feeling the pains of "lonely boy construction" since Kole has moved,  and Charlie was adjusting to being back at it by himself. A few of my peeps and I had been texting about it, on and off all day. We realized later, that at the exact time that the wreck happened...Lashae and I were texting and AGREED to be praying for Charlie, at that exact minute.   How cool is that?  God just showing us his love and protection once again.
A few days after that a good friend of mine from Uganda told me that she didn't know why...but she had felt led to spend "extended time in prayer" for our family that morning. 
It is just so humbling and amazing that God works thru the prayers of his people for his people.   
Now, everytime I jump in the really nice rental car that I'm driving, I have a big reminder of God's protection, and it makes my heart so thankful!

SOOOOOOO, this morning my shield took another hit.  I get a call from Charsie who has been using a sweet little SUV that we bought to let her drive.
  The minute I heard her say MOM!! with THAT heart sank.
This is how it went:
Charsie:  MOM!!!!!!! large sucking sound and sobs....then a panicked burst of: MY CAR GOT STOLEN!!!!
Me:  CHARSIE!!!!  Is everyone OK?  Are you ok? Is Jesse Ok?  
Charsie:  Yes...but my car is gone.
Me:  Charsie, Everyone is ok?  
Charsie:  Yes!  But my car got stolen and my wallet and money were in there.
Me:  So, everyone is ok?
Charsie:  Yes.
Me:  Who cares about your car and wallet....everyone is OK?  Right?  EVeryone is OK?  right? ( I needed to let it sink in, since my heart was in my feet and all the blood had left my brain at the word MOM in THAT VOICE.)
Charsie:  Yes.  EVeryone is fine.
Me: the police and report your car stolen....everyone is OK?  Right?  Jesse's Ok?
Charsie:  Yes, everyone is OK.  sob sob sob.  I will call the police, and Jesse is on his way.
Me:  Honey, I could care less about the car or the wallet or money, as long as everyone is ok.  
Charsie: Everyone is fine Mom.
Me:  What kinda of idiot leaves their wallet in their car.....what kind of idiot parents didn't teach you to take everything out of your car at night.
Charsie:  MOM?!?!
Me:  Right!  I'm the idiot parent.  I'm just a dumb country need to be smart you live in the city.  Be city smart.  
Charsie:  I will never leave anything in my car again. 

Me to Charlie:  Charlie, Charsie's car got stolen....
Charlie:  What!?!? WHAT?!?!?!?  Is everyone OK?  
Me:  Ya, everyone is fine.
Charlie: !@#$%&*.(pause pause...deep breath). Who cares about the car...because everyone is OK...right?
Me: Everyone is fine, she had her wallet and money locked in the car.
Charlie:  What?!?!...didn't anyone teach that kid to NEVER leave her wallet in the car.
Me:  Charlie....where do you keep your wallet?
Charlie:  In the car.   Good point.....Dang it...we should have taught her better than that. 
Me to Lashae:  Lashae!
Lashae:  I know, I heard, I'm on my way over there right now.
Me:  Everyone is ok...right?  
Lashae: Ya...everyone is ok...
Me: You and the girls are ok...right? And Chaney?  Where's Chaney?
Lashae:  Yes mom, everyone is fine.  Chaney is out of town and he is fine.
Me:  Dang Charsie left everything in the car...poor girl.
Lashae:  I know....I have a confession....I left my purse in my car last night.  
Me:  LASHAE!!!!  You know better than that....didn't I teach you better than that??
Lashae:  Mom, where's your purse?  
Me:  In my car....good point!  Dang it.  Everyone is ok...right???  
Lashae: Yes Mom.  Everyone is good. 

Charsie calls Police, and after Jesse and Charsie endure a lengthy "stolen car report," they found the car had been hit by a "texting and driving" person in the night and the officer, that came to take the accident report at 1:30am, was brand new and didn't think to run the plates and call the owner.....just had the sucker towed without notifying anyone.  
So, the good and constant news is; everyone is OK and all the money and contents, including all cancelled credit and debit cards were safe and sound in the car.
Also, the texter/driver kid that hit her car is ok.
Charlie called him and his dad (and thankfully remained calm, because come to find out they go to the same church as our kids) and all is well. Bummed and feeling stupid....but ok.
The bad news is....the car is most likely totalled.  Poor texting/driving kid hit that sucker HARD and it rolled up and hit the car in front of it and then car in front of it, hit the car in front of it. Car dominos.  SOOOOOO....the front and back are smashed.  
BUT, everyone is OK!!!!
 So so thankful, and will continue holding up our shields!

Ephesians 6:10-12The Message (MSG)

A Fight to the Finish

10-12 And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

Friday, September 23, 2016

It's Not Black and White, It's Blood RED

I have a little story to share:

This summer I had sent white Luke and black Mik into the store to run an errand.

Luke was leading the way and they walked in the door where the ATM machine was being serviced.  There was an armed guard and a armored truck in position and doing their job.  Luke doesn't even notice.  Mik takes a WIDE swing to NOT even be NEAR the situation.

They do their errand and get back in the car and Mik says to Luke:  Dude!!!  Don't ever walk by a situation like that when I am with you.

Luke responds:  What are you even talking about?  

Mik:  No black man should walk by that kind of situation.  Did you see the guy that was working on the ATM machine, and the guy guarding the area?

Luke:  Oh brother!!!  You are paranoid, nobody was even looking at you.  

Mik:  Shaking his head in discouragement and frustration......ok, whatever you think....

My head was spinning....Everyone was right, and everyone was wrong.  

Luke  - Doesn't have a racist bone in his body, but is also blind and deaf to what Mik sees and feels and experiences. 

Mik - Doing what he is told and learned by living in this world in this time, in his skin:
Don't put yourself in a *sketchy* situation, don't ever give people ANY reason to question WHAT you are up to.  NEVER be guilty, even by association. Never walk or dress or speak in a way that raises questions as to what you are doing. 

Luke - Unwilling to listen or understand that Mik has to live with a different level of awareness in every situation calls him paranoid.

Mik - Impatient with Luke's "lack of understanding" for the reality that he lives with,  Mik feels offended and unheard.  He gets bummed and quiet vs. trying to help Luke understand.  He just gives up and pushes the anxiety that he just felt near the ATM into a deeper place in his own heart, which only lends itself to more anxiety.

It opened up good conversation.  Most people don't get the opportunity to dialogue on it as much as we do.  It takes constant conversation and a lot of situations to help us all grow in understanding.

I have been Luke too many times....just because I'm not "racist" doesn't mean I don't have blind spots and an opinion that causes me to lack understanding.  

We need to sit across that table from people speak and listen, not with the intention of telling "them" how it is and how it isn't, but with a heart that wants to feel, and a mind that wants to understand, and eyes that want to see and ears that want to hear.

Just because we aren't experiencing things, because of where we live or who we are or how we look, does not mean it is not happening. Part of all this information and communication going on in the world gives us a new level of  responsibility.
 There is a responsibility to seek the
 TRUTH and respond in LOVE!

The only way to uncover the TRUTH, is to get face to face and get real relational. Share experiences.  Look across the table and see and feel and hear.

The life and breath of the conversation, maybe even the spit that sprays or the tears that flow in the passion of it all, may blow out and water down the fire that rages.

We may never solve "the issue" or agree on actions, but I promise there will be
 a seed planted - a compassion developed - because there is a FACE and a VOICE to the situation, not just a report and a riot.

This isn't a black and white skin issue, it is a red and bloody heart issue.

Jesus bled His pure RED blood to save all our SKINS!  

We need to humble ourselves, lay it all out on the table and let Jesus do surgery on our hearts.  Once our hearts are beating and flowing with the TRUTH, our eyes will open, our minds will be renewed, our ears will be tuned.


John 14:6English Standard Version (ESV)

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 13:34-35English Standard Version (ESV)

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another:just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Wednesday, August 10, 2016


I think my nephew said it best when he put it in his child-like words,
 “For some reason I always remember the bad stuff, so much better than the good stuff.”
We were talking about memories and when he made this statement it brought it all together for me.   We were specifically talking about when our entire family went to Disneyland several years ago, and he got lost (for about 7 minutes). 
  So we all spent a zillion dollars to have a great vacation and spoil the crap out of our children and all they remember is the 7 minutes when Corvan got lost.

 We always hear the age old question….Why does God let bad things happen to good people? 
There are many things jacked up with that question, but my nephew put it into such a simple statement that made a lot of sense to me.

I began to think of the greatest joys in my life, like getting married, I remember many amazing things about that day, but one of my most vivid memories I have of that day was cussing at my sister, who was doing my hair, (just as the church secretary was walking in to say something sweet, I’m sure) and I was going a little bridezilla on my sis.
 (Ya, Sorry about that AGAIN Marlece). 

I remember the birth of each of my babies, but I hardly remember the details of each one, OTHER than I can give you a play by play of TRANSITION (the hardest part of labor) in each birth, what I felt and smelled and saw and heard..…I even have TRANSITION memories of the adopted children.  J

So I cringe when I hear Christians talk about our best life now, I want to puke my brains out.  I’m sorry to be so harsh…but if THIS is our best life NOW, then we are getting screwed.  Jesus came and died so we could have our best life with HIM later…He suffered on this earth, in this life, so WE, could have an eternal perfect life with HIM forever.
 NO SUFFERING or PAIN or LOSS, that is the life I have hope in and LIVE for!
 It’s not now, It’s later, when Jesus comes back to set it allllllllll right!

It’s a no wonder we see so many "Christians" either faking it, or completely bummed about life.  They have been fed the lie that we are supposed to live our best life NOW and we are supposed to pursue happiness and success, all in the name of Jesus,
 who suffered and died so we can live our best life NOW??
 No way!
 We get to live with the HOPE and JOY of knowing we are living now in anticipation of LATER.

Most of the time it’s really not our fault, we live in a beautiful amazing country and we live dang good lives compared to the rest of the world.  We can live in a way that we can protect ourselves from a lot of suffering.  We live in a country that has done a lot of things right and we have the freedom and opportunity to live without a lot of the massive amounts of suffering that a lot of the rest of the world lives with. 

We have food and we have medicine and we have freedom to worship and we have the awesome and amazing men and women in uniform to serve and protect us and our country and our freedom.  We should be so thankful and humbled that in God’s sovereignty and grace, He has allowed us to live in such a place.
  I can promise you that it was NOTHING you or I did right to make this happen for us.
  This is called the GRACE OF GOD!!!  
Somehow when and where we are born we don’t get to call the shots on that one.

It makes me think about James 1:27.
27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep one self unstained from the world.

 I have been learning the deeper meaning of this verse.  I think this verse is about suffering.  You can’t throw money or a family or a husband or a 3 step plan, or even a Bible verse at an orphan or a widow in their affliction and make them feel better or heal their heartbreak.  I think there is a time and a place to provide allllll those things (maybe not the husband one,) but “in their distress, it says to visit them”. 

Maybe if we visited those that are suffering, and entered into that suffering and hurt with them, rather than trying to fix them, or their situation, we would understand the need, the desperate need for our Savior Jesus Christ our Lord, who came and took on unbelievable suffering for us that by HIS wounds we would be healed and by His death we may have life.

1 Peter 2:24English Standard Version (ESV)
24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 

Why would God send His Son to suffer and die if it is possible to live our best life now with a few good thoughts and declarations and attitudes?  Why wouldn’t he send Jesus to show us how to do it that way? 
  I’m not saying we need to suffer and die….I’m saying in this life we WILL suffer and we WILL die.
  Suffering is EVERYWHERE, we just have to open our eyes.  If it’s not in our own lives at the moment, I can promise you it’s not hard to find and I would dare to say, rather than protecting ourselves from it, we should go and visit and enter in,
 because we will find out how much this world really needs
This idea of waking up and having your perfect life in your perfect order does not work in the life of an orphan or a widow in their distress.
  I think we should wake up every day and rather than declare who I am and what I can do….we should declare who the great
 is and what HE has done.
  We need to wake up, and rather than say how I am going to do better and have victory over this and that, I am going to declare how much I need JESUS and how I need more of him every single day, and how weak I am, but how strong the 
 is in me.

I’m going to pray and think less about me and who I am, and more about,

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Happy Cake Bofriend!

Happy birthday to my man!  He is like fine wine, he just gets better with age.

My prayer for my hubby this year is:

Colossians 1:9-14 (ESV)

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

He is having a very GRAND birthday, as he is in Montana celebrating his birthday with 3 of his oldest kids and his 3 GRANDS.  I just don't think he could ask for a better birthday.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The Day I Ruined God

I have to document today so that if there are any "follow up" visits regarding the following information I can have a clear memory of the events;  I may be slightly traumatized and block out all of the following information as soon as my mind will allow me.

First!  I wake up this morning feeling like GARBAGE, but have to force myself to take Maezie and Reece to their "well child checkup".  I am bad about doing these AT ALL, but there is a chance we may be losing our insurance at renewal time, so I drug my achey self out of the bed and out of the house.

The older kids were so good to help me get the littles ready for the big event, by dressing them and forgetting to comb their hair.

 JUST, as we are heading out, Esther informs me that Maezie slept with several uncapped markers all night and has MAJOR marker stains EVERY single place on her body and her bed.  All I could think to do, was ask if she had on clean underwear.  No clue what that was going to prove, but I've always heard good mothers make their kids wear clean underwear....WHATEVER...I panicked people.

We then proceed to the Dr. office where now days there is a list of questions that you can't prepare your children for because I don't want to make them liars or scared to go to the Dr. and answer questions, so here's how this goes.

Dr. - Maezie and Reece, do you always wear your seatbelt?
Maezie - Only sometimes.
Reece - Rolls eyes and acts like he is reading a magazine.

Dr. - Maezie and Reece, tell me about yourselves?
Maezie - I gave Reece a bloody nose.
Reece - Yep, she did.
Maezie - Doubles up her fist and gives a visual demonstration.
Dr. - Feverishly taking notes.

Dr. - Do you wear helmets when you ride bikes and scooters?
Reece - I'm really good at scootering, so I don't need a helmet.

Dr. - Let me listen to your belly Maezie.
Maezie - I just farted.

Dr. - Do you ever feel bullied at school Reece?
Reece - Welllllllllll, there's one kid and he lies and cheats at games.

Dr. - Kids, how do you cross the street?
Reece - look both ways and hold hands. (I'm feeling proud for 1/2 of a second.)

Dr. - Very good, do your parents help you cross the street? (We live in the country and NEVER cross any street).
Reece - Well, often times my family crosses the street and they leave me to do it ALONE.

Dr. - Kids, do you drink milk?
Maezie - Only chocolate.

Dr. - Do you eat your fruits and veggies every day?
Maezie - No, I hate eating.
Reece - She only eats when dad is home because he is strong.

Cellie, this whole time is making a mess and poops her pants and I'm doing the 'ole obnoxious nervous laugh, trying not to hurt my kids or hurl on the floor, because remember I DON'T FEEL WELL.

We have mild drama with the shots and such.

We make it out to the car, FINALLY, of which it is HOT outside and I had to leave my yapping Grand Dog in the car WITH ALL THE WINDOWS PART WAY DOWN, so the whole world could hear him yap and draw attention to my car because I did NOT realize the kids had put GRAND DOG in the car until we were halfway to town.

I come out of the Dr. office praising God that I get to leave with ALL my children and NO escort, and I see a kid standing at the back of my car looking at something and his mother grabs him and protectively shooshes him to the safety of their car, the kid turns and glares HARD at me.

It is then that I realize that LAST night we had a youth group event at our house and one of the kids thought he was sooooooooooo funny and wrote with his finger in the dust on my back window.


So I'm now in the parking lot cleaning my car with spit, changing a poopy diaper, and telling my yapping GRAND DOG to SHUT UP.

I take the kids to Sonic and as I'm ordering, Reece rolls his window down and starts ordering.  I turn around and grab his ear, but by then the milkshake that I wasn't going to get him was already ordered and I was already too embarrassed about my life to tell the Sonic lady that I can't control my kid, and I don't want to have an arguement with him while the lady has her speaker on and can hear THE WHOLE thing, sooooooooooooo I just do what every good mother would do and I add a milkshake for Maezie and then roll up the window and have my fit.

Maezie gets her milkshake and in about 2 seconds spills it all over the back seat, I squeeze my achey self between my door and the speaker and get into the back of the car and use every napkin I have to clean up milkshake, all the while, my daughter IS IN HER SEAT BELT securely fastened, so I'm reaching around her little body that APPARENTLY only buckles up SOMETIMES.  Anyway, I get it all smeared around with the few napkins I have and there is a crafty coffee cup that the kids made at church this weekend, and I stuff the napkins in the cup, and Maezie goes into a FIT, saying that
Apparently God was in that coffee cup (which I can attest, sometimes He does show up there, but I had no idea).  She was screaming and yelling that it was the worst day, because I got her shot and ruined GOD!!!!

I had to leave and I came home and have not left my room since.

This is sadly a  true story because I could NEVER and WOULD NEVER make this stuff up.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Silence is Deadly

James 1:19-20New Living Translation (NLT)

Listening and Doing

19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.20 Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. 

I have been listening to people.  I have been trying to understand.  I've learned that in order to understand I have to listen first.  And most times, I have to take the time to push passed the weather, and push passed the funny joke, and push passed the one word answer, usually the word "good" and wait for the awkward silence to come and go, and then listen and listen good.
 Often times, I fill the awkward silence....and I lose the opportunity to hear what was just beyond the awkward silence.

I've learned, that if I take the time and care to listen, the heart will speak.

Luke 6:45English Standard Version (ESV)

45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

I have learned that if I have the courage to listen, people will have the courage to speak. 
 I may not like what I hear, or agree with it, but in order to speak into their life, I have to hear their heart.   

And the heart is what we need to hear.  If the heart is hurting, or hard or bitter or filled with love and forgiveness that's what is valuable in knowing.  The other stuff is just the shell,
 the heart is where the TRUTH speaks.

 We have to be good listeners if we want the privilege of speaking into someone's life, or speak life into their heart.  

 Many times I think we are so afraid of what we might hear that we won't listen, sometimes we have to listen through the babble and the yelling and the
 HURT, to hear the HEART,
 of what is being said.
 In listening, we must listen to the heart, not listen in order to speak, but listen in order to hear.  If we are listening to pick apart or gather phases or words to gather evidence  to what we want to speak,
we have not heard. 

Once we have heard, we must respond.  If we listen then we must speak. 
 We must have the courage to listen and the courage to respond. 
 If we just listen and sit by silently it is worse than if we never even listened. 
 If we are witnesses to an injustice and do nothing, we are participating, by NOT responding.  

Ephesians 4:14-16New Living Translation (NLT)

14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

If we all took the time to listen, even when we disagree, or when we think we ALREADY KNOW, I believe there would be unity in relationships, in every area of our lives.

I think we need to quit listening to the media and start listening to people.  I think we need to quit looking at facebook and start looking into people's faces.  

If we pay attention, we will notice it's not the people marching or even rioting that are killing, it's the silent snipers in the dark corners that are taking people out.  The rioters are trying to figure out how to be heard, how to make people listen, and they resort to shouting and yelling and marching,
they are reacting to their hurt and to our silence
.  I'm not suggesting riots or marching or ranting and yelling, 
I'm suggesting listening and hearing,
 and responding by speaking

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Happy Birthday Kole!

Happy Birthday Kole! 
Kole came into the world with more boldness than anyone I’ve ever known.
I was a week overdue and I woke up out of a dead sleep with a contraction that meant business; and I think it was one hour later Kole came flying into the world.

He came boldly.

Nothing has changed for Kole, when he believes in what he is doing and the direction he is going he goes with boldness and fearlessness.

It’s rare to find a person with the boldness that Kole has, that their boldness does not translate into arrogance; Kole has a humility about him that is rare in light of the boldness. 

Kole is bold enough to ask anyone and everyone questions if he needs to understand something. 
 He is bold enough to ask and humble enough to listen.

Kole’s life looks like a failure if you weigh is against the world’s definition of success.
Kole is 22 years old and lives at home and works for his dad.
To the world this looks like lazy failure.
Kole has another kingdom in mind with his life though….Kole is not working to build a kingdom for himself, Kole is working for God’s Kingdom and the the path that the Lord has set him on, is a path that looks crazy to the world, but if you stop long enough to hear Kole’s heart and the convictions and the goals that God has placed in him, you see a man who is following Jesus with humble boldness and is willing to sacrifice his plans and time and talents and give it ALL to the ONE who gave him everything.

Kole is a Kingdom builder,
 and he is learning and growing and submitting to the plan that God has for his life.

One of my favorite character traits about Kole has is that he will easily have the same conversation with the same boldness and passion with the most important person in the room as he will the biggest outcast in any setting on any day. 

I remember when Kole was 4 years old we were getting a yard put in at our house and the landscapers that were working were taking frequent smoke breaks.
  Kole was so upset, not because he thought they were bad, he thought they were so cool and they were his new buddies and he knew smoking was bad for them.
He asked me several times if he could go and let them know that smoking was bad for them. 
 I told him “NO, leave them alone, they don’t need a 4 year old telling them anything."
Kole literally snuck out of the house with his batman cape on so he could help save his new buddies from death by smoking. 
 He told them what he was convicted to tell them and then he came in and told on himself. 

 Kole is super honest and his boldness and conviction may override all fear, but then he has to come clean about it.

I love you Kole and I am so thankful for where you are right now in life,
 the direction you are headed, no matter where it leads you and when you 

I love that whatever you do, you do it with all your heart, and then when and if, God changes it up, you make the adjustments and GO boldly full steam ahead!

1 Timothy 1:18-19New Living Translation (NLT)

18 Timothy,* (or Kole)* my son, here are my instructions for you, based on the prophetic words spoken about you earlier. May they help you fight well in the Lord’s battles. 19 Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.
*addition made by Jenay :) , personalized it for Kole.*