WHEN YOUR KID TOSSES YOU IN THE DEEP END

WHEN YOUR KID TOSSES YOU IN THE DEEP END
 
When you have a baby and life is mostly simple, and your child is strapped safely into the car seats and boosters, tucked snuggly each night in the crib, and held every day in your arms, while your other spawn play somewhere within earshot, nothing about that routine prepares you for the day when he decides to play football or shows up in your driveway on a motorcycle or thinks sleeping in the woods without cell service is “fun.” But, slowly, your faith muscles get tuned up and you learn to loosen the reins or, risk the silence of a nest that is not only empty but, also, never even visited.

 And, then, right in the middle of your peaceful yuletide preparations and first world menu planning and shopping festivities, your college senior drops a new grace-growing opportunity right in your lap by announcing his intentions to spend Christmas break working in Uganda, Africa. “Ha! You think. That child sure likes to kid around.” Only, he isn’t kidding. He’s been praying, and seeking just like you and his Father taught him to. (DANGIT!) And, being a person that has a built-in aversion to airplanes, strange beds, public restrooms and roller coasters, you start kicking yourself for teaching him the whole “life-abundant” doxology instead of stunting his growth with your default anthem of fear and worry (like that would even work anyway.) So, you book tickets, arrange vaccinations, buy luggage, engage with your son in collecting and packing things that can make life a whole lot easier for a child growing up in a third world country, and you cry, not because you don’t want your son to go, but because it is so damn beautiful what he wants to do and what he’s willing to sacrifice to get there.
 
One would think that, after being a parent for 22 years, you would accept that you are mostly along for the ride that your kids choose to embark on in life. Your main job has always been to act as a compass of sorts, reminding them of where the truth is and how to find it any time their path gets crooked. However, you are still frustratingly caught off guard when your services are no longer needed in the sippy-cup and water-wings end of the parenting pool, and, instead, you find yourself ever deeper in waters that require you to choose between trusting or running and hiding; in other words, GROWING UP! Oh sure, you get a kick out of being their glorified personal assistant, who can produce a password out of thin air, show them how to balance a bank statement, teach them how to drive on icy roads or the lyrics to any 80’s song ever written; except for that part where you can barely keep your chin above water because your heart is still hopelessly tethered to their every move and mood, no matter how old or how far away they are. 
 
But the further you wade into these uncharted waters, the more you feel some new and different words begin to bubble up in your spirit. Because you’ve just been schooled by the one you’ve always prided yourself in teaching. By his actions, your son imparts wisdom that challenges your heart to dip its toe into intentional and uncomfortable places, as you ring in the new year, half-a-world away from your child whose heart is breaking for the poor while yours is ripped open wide to new possibilities.

 Doxology: (noun)  - a liturgical formula of praise to God.

Written by:  Holly McLane



I asked Holly (Ben's Mama) to share some of her journey on this Uganda mission trip.  She is at home, but she is very much a part of their trip.  It's amazing that God uses our kids' hearts that are more brave and open to break ours wide open.  It was Lashae ( our oldest daughter) who felt God calling her to do a mission trip 5 1/2 years ago, and it CHANGED all of us forever!  To God be the glory.