We All Sin.

I hear people say...let kids be kids..kids just want to have fun...I just want my kids to be happy....they are so sweet and innocent.  I do not experience that, with ANY of my kids. 

 Let's be CLEAR I LOVE LOVE LOVE my kids and grands so very much. 

 I learn from them daily, they are life and joy and wonderful gifts from God; they are the biggest blessings of our lives.

  I LOVE them, and their spirit and energy and child-like faith. 

 What I don't see is this naturally sweet innocent nature that people talk about.  When we just let our kids be kids...they whine and scream, and throw food,  and do all kinds of crazy stuff.  I never never never had to teach them to hit, or bite, or lie, or be selfish, or self-centered.  I never taught them how to run off when I call for them.  I did not teach them any of these things, it's in their nature and they have to be taught NOT to do these things and they have to be taught to DO something different than what comes naturally to them.

We are three amazing grown kids into this journey, and the beauty of that is we can look at what worked, what has helped them the most and what was not a help to them. I can promise you, the stuff we as parents have spent the most time worrying about and trying to do for them is not the stuff that gives them what they need in life.  They need Jesus, they need to know they can trust Him, they need to know how to love Him and serve Him, they need to know how to love people, all people, all the time.  When we spend so much time trying to do everything else, and working our heads off to give our children this amazing childhood, and then sit passively by when it comes to a relationship with the Lord, we are treating the symptoms of a broken life in a broken world, not giving them the cure, the TRUTH that will fill them with true joy and happiness and wisdom and LOVE and PURPOSE. 

 I don't know what has made us as parents so timid when it comes to the spiritual side of our children.  Why will we do everything in our power to help them thru life, and then leave it up to them to figure out their own TRUTH?  

That is like giving a kid a car and having them figure out their own way to drive the thing, never telling them where the gas pedal or brakes are, let alone how to use them.

We are born with a sin nature.  We are broken people in a broken world and I don't know about you but I can't even blame Eve for my sin...I can know the rules, just like Eve knew the rules and I still break them constantly.  I don't even have a talking serpent trying to convince me to do things, I just do them.  The very first commandment is to have no other gods before God. There are many times I put my kids before God, myself, my house, my time, my problems, my worries, my activities. I can't even get past the first step on many days. 

 

I have had a struggle in my own heart because we have fallen out of some good habits; we had a routine of pretty consistent family devotions and prayer time, and since we have moved we had let that go, not because we meant to, it just got over-run with everything else. 

 I then began to think...well, it's fine because I can't have a relationship with the Lord FOR my kids (which is the truth) so I began to think I would just let it go, and let them figure it out for themselves.

I thought we would just continue to pray for them and encourage them, and take them to church.  Going to church is never a struggle, for us or our kids, this is a constant in our lives no matter the season we are in.  But, I didn't have peace about just leaving it at that.  I kept going back to it in my mind thinking I don't want myself or my kids to do things out of ritual or religious obligation, I  want them to know God and want to know Him more every day of their lives.  

After wresting it through for a time, I have come to understand our role as parents a little better,  I do believe as long as kids are being raised and still living under the care of their parents, the parents have a big responsibility in 

*creating a space and time and an example to allow and encourage that relationship with the Lord.*

  I can't make things take root in their hearts, but I can sure till the soil and plant seeds and water the hell out of it. 

 I don't think it is something they just pick up by watching either....I mean I have never jumped on the couch (since Cellie has been alive :) ) and yet she is constantly jumping on the couch, so I don't think she is naturally picking things up, by just watching the people in her life.

  My teens and young kids are super receptive and responsive any time I create that space and time for them to participate in Bible time, faith discussions, and prayer time, but it isn't something they naturally do on their own very often.  I don't know when that will happen for each of them, but I know as I watch our older kids it does become their own, and it is the most beautiful part of them that affects every single area of their lives for eternity. 

I can't take responsibility for my kids' hearts and I can't take credit for them either, but I can keep taking them to Jesus and trusting that He is faithful and worthy and He is the most influential person I can introduce them too, and keep bringing into their view.

I pray that God captures each child's heart, and they learn to enjoy a very close and intimate relationship between them and God, but we as parents, we have to do our part in giving all we know how to, to help cultivate a relationship that continues well beyond our time with them in our home.  Our faith has to be lived out in our own lives and also a constant invitation to our kids to join in a deeper relationship with God.  

Joshua 24:14-15 The Message (MSG)

14 “So now: Fear God. Worship him in total commitment. Get rid of the gods your ancestors worshiped on the far side of The River (the Euphrates) and in Egypt. You, worship God.

15 “If you decide that it’s a bad thing to worship God, then choose a god you’d rather serve—and do it today. Choose one of the gods your ancestors worshiped from the country beyond The River, or one of the gods of the Amorites, on whose land you’re now living. As for me and my family, we’ll worship God.”

Waiting Well

Almost 16 years to the day of the first time setting foot on our 40-acre piece in Powell Butte, we are done.  The last 8 years were a struggle.  It's a bittersweet feeling to have it behind us.  When I signed the papers I felt thankful, relief, and sad.  Thankful for the time we had and thankful that it is finally over.  Relief that it sold and we don't have the weight of it on our shoulders or on our finances any longer.  The sad part is that it didn't go the way we planned and it feels like a defeat more than a victory.

After all these years of praying and waiting to see how it was all going to turn out, one of the biggest things I wished I would have done differently; I wished I would have waited well.

We prayed and fasted and tried everything in our own power to "fix it" any way we could.  

The part I didn't do well was waiting on the Lord.  We waited all right, we had no choice, when our Father decides it is time to wait, it is time to wait.  The last few years I gave up on my plans and waited much better, but it took about 6 years of high stress and struggle, to get to the 2 years of surrendering to the process and wait.

We kept living, we kept using our piece of the planet for many gatherings, and celebrations and fellowship, we brought home babies and adopted kids over the course of the wait.  We lived full speed ahead but with a knot in our stomachs for much of the time. I often felt guilty and anxious about our situation.  I felt crazy with trying to figure out how it was all going to work out and what was NEXT for us.  Little did I know God was putting every piece together for us to come to Montana and enjoy 6 grown married kids and an undisclosed number of GRANDS, while still raising the 6 kids still at home.

 If I would have known we were all going to be here at this time altogether, I would have spent every minute of every day trying to figure it out, plan it, and control it.  I would have made myself and everyone around me miserable.

  Instead, God chooses to keep working out a plan for my good and not telling me anything about it, He knows I would have taken the information and ran with it, probably ran it right into a ditch.

My prayer is that I have learned how to wait well.  I have no doubt God has a good plan, so my prayer is, as He is working out His will and plan for our lives, that I wait well.

Currently, we are waiting for Charlie to be able to join the family full time and I have once again failed at waiting well on several occasions, but hoping I have learned some things along the way and I can wait well from here on out.

God Is In The Details

It's the details that make me know Jesus loves me and knows me, and cares for me.  The big stuff, the big picture is not hard for me to know there is a big awesome God.  He is so big and so amazing that my mind can't grasp how He created all the earth and keeps it spinning and makes the sun rise and set every single day, it is easy to believe that the God of the world has been here since the beginning of time has done all this, but it's the details, it's the intimate knowledge and personal gifts that make me feel so loved and cared for personally by my Lord and Savior. 

For some crazy reason, when we moved here I felt like I should homeschool Maezie this year....the one concern I had was being new to Montana she wouldn't meet any friends.  I went for my first Montana hair appointment this summer, which was a stretch for me because I have always had people that were close to me do my hair...good friends and my sister are the only ones that have done my hair for the last 25 years.   I went to my first Montana hair appointment and became instant friends with Brooke, and instantly knew she loved Jesus.  It came out in the first 5 minutes of that appointment that she is homeschooling her 1st-grade daughter also.  I can't tell you how many prayers were answered in one simple hair appointment.  This is the friend that gets me out of my house on days I would rather just not leave the house.  This is the friend that talks about Jesus with me and tells me what He is doing in her life.  This is the friend that makes my hair look like I'm not going thru a total life crisis.  This is the friend that doesn't think I'm a total nut case and doesn't judge me that Cellie takes her pants off every single time we meet at the park.  She gets me, and she gets my kids, bigs and littles.  I couldn't have found a better match on friend.com if there is such a thing.  

I could go thru the list of kids and how God has done something so special and personal for each and every kid along the way in the last few months.  It's not that it's all perfect, but when I know a perfect and loving God is looking out for our family, it makes my worry seem ridiculous.

Another biggy for me was that when we left Powell Butte, I was so sad about leaving Charlie in that big empty house alone to see it all thru to the end of the deal.  I knew it would be a shock to his system and lonely at times, especially at first.  Of course, God was thinking ahead and moved in the best neighbors we could ever ask for back in February before we knew any of this Montana move was going to happen.  Our good friends that love Jesus and know how to love their neighbor as themselves live about 3 feet outside of Charlie's door.  The transition from a big full house to one man baching it has been a very smooth transition due to good neighbors that feed Charlie often and feed the animals when Charlie is up here seeing us. 

I have no idea what the next step looks like for us, and there are days it overwhelms me to think of it all.
  We have spent close to 30 years building a business with the motto,
"Where details matter most."
We are in a spot that we can't see the big picture clearly let alone the details.

 God is so good and He is into the big picture and the details of our lives, and He has reminded me again and again from providing a friend for a 1st grader to forgiving the sins of the world, and everything in between. 
He will lead us and guide us into every single step we take.
May we praise Him with every move we make!

Romans 8:28-29 New Living Translation (NLT)

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Could Have Been Some Hail Damage.

My man is one gray-headed, big-hearted, strong-bodied superhero. 

He came *home* to Billings for the weekend.  He drove, almost 30 hours round trip for a very short weekend because he brought this meat-eating bunch, a steer and a half, all cut and wrapped and transported in freezers.

Within a few minutes of my man's arrival, he met up with Lashae to arrive a few minutes late to the JV football game.

  He helped her and our 5 little GRANDS get into the stands, so we could all watch the game together. 

 We were only there for a few minutes when Maubry yelled, "OUCH," and at the same time, an announcement came over the loudspeaker for everyone to seek shelter as quick as possible.  A hail storm had moved in super quickly, and everyone took off, including the players who were running off the field in their helmets to seek shelter in the locker room.  We were stuck in the stands with 4 adults and 7 little people. There was no time to grab and run since 2 of the little people can't even hold their own heads and the hail was already hitting hard. My man grabbed the big wool blanket that we have drug around to games for over 25 years and without saying much at all, he posted us adults at the 4 corners and put the blanket over us like a tent and we had all 7 little people huddled right in the middle.  It was as if we had run this drill 100 times because it seemed so smooth and smart.  We sat under the blanket not knowing how long it would be or how bad it would get.  I have seen many cars around here that have major hail damage from previous hail storms, so I can only imagine what it could do to a little head.  It passed pretty quickly and then turned to a downpour of rain.  We took the opportunity to grab littles and make a break for it.  By the time we got to the car, we were all SOAKED

 to the bone.

We went back to the house to change and regroup. A few of us came back for the varsity game.

The next morning Charlie took Esther out for a little coffee date before she headed out on her bus for her volleyball game.

He spent the rest of the day organizing our garage;  building shelves and hangers for us so we can have easy access to everything, including our snow shovels that he brought.

We then partied it up for Maubry's 6th bday.

We got up the next morning and I headed out for a run.  I told Charlie to come find me when he was out and about taking Reece to his school event.....he did just that.  

My man left as quick as he arrived. 

Within a 48 hour period of time, my man provided shelter (from a hail storm), built us some organization, brought us food to eat, took Esther out to coffee,  he picked up and dropped off multiple kids, multiple times, he stopped me from running in circles, he celebrated and cheered for his family as only my man can do.

 He left us with everything and everyone in better shape than he found us.

We miss him so much but he makes the time count when he is here.

What Stories Do You Tell?

At church, the question was posed, "What kind of stories do you want to tell to your kids and grandkids, and great grandkids?"

The old sports stories are fun once in a while and the stories of fun adventures are exciting, but the stories that stand the test of time and generations gather to hear, willingly not out of obligation, are stories of God's faithfulness.

  The stories of God's faithfulness always include FAITH and a moment or a season or a decade of struggle and hardship. 

 As much as we would all like to keep our comfort level at an all-time high and our pain level at an all-time low, it seems this isn't the WAY of LIFE and it doesn't get our attention like the story of OVERCOMING the struggle and VICTORY over pain.

 I'm not a big fan of discomfort or suffering but I can tell you, in my life and in lives since the beginning of time, I see that endurance and perseverance only come after some discomfort and pain have been involved to some degree.

The stories that encourage and gather some attention over the years are stories of lives lived in faith, where God is the only WAY,  TRUTH is told, and LIFE is lived out in perseverance, not in preservation.  

We long to hear true stories of God's greatness, not embellished stories of our greatness back in the day.

Our old stories will die the minute we quit telling them, but the stories of God's faithfulness, LIFE giving, TRUTH telling stories will last for eternity.

There are a lot of days I want to take all the struggle I can away from all my loves, and I want to give them (if it were possible) a life of ease and comfort, and then I look over my own life, and it is the years and the seasons of struggle that I remember the clearest who God is, and what He has done for me, and  it is the times of struggle that brought the biggest growth and the best stories of my life.

This year has aged me in ways that don't look so great on the outside,  but I pray it is producing some strength and beauty on the inside.

I am so thankful that God has allowed my arms and heart to be full of

GRAND

 treasures from HIM!  

These are the stories I want to tell.

God is faithful!

Deuteronomy 4:9 New Living Translation (NLT)

9 “But watch out! Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen. Do not let these memories escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren.

No Plans, Just Events

Charlie's description of our family:  We don’t have plans we have events.

We didn’t even plan to have this as a family motto….it’s just the result of 29 years of events.

This is us, I suppose.

Making decisions is not my favorite.  Especially when I feel the pressure is on and the stakes are high.

At this point, on most days, I don’t feel qualified to decide what kind of milk to buy.

It’s not that we haven’t had some big decisions in life; it’s just that we seem to avoid them until it’s narrowed down to about 1 option and that’s what we decide. 

There have been a few things that we have had to DECIDE, and not just rely on events happening.

We have decided to follow Jesus.

 He is the best decision we have ever made. 

The big decisions for our family have been made through prayer and fighting and then active pursuit; intentional movement.

  We have felt guided by the Lord in the big decisions but also knowing that He won’t abandon us or be mad at us no matter what we decide, but we risk missing out.

The decision to follow Him is one we make and actively pursue every day. 

It would be easy to fall into the trap of sitting still and just hang on for heaven.

I don’t think that is a true definition of “following Him” which is what he invited us to do.

Following requires paying attention to where the person is that you are following. 

 Following requires staying focused on Who you are following and moving in step with who you are following.

 The most gorgeous blessings we have ever received have come in saying yes to some big decisions that did not make sense AT ALL, such as when we said yes to that first mission trip, or our adopted kids, or a move to Montana.

We have felt led and guided into these big decisions, by God, but they have all come at a great price and the payoff has been enormous.

Mark 10:28-31 The Message (MSG)

²⁸ Peter tried another angle: “We left everything and followed you.”

^29-31 Jesus said, “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first.”

I used to think this verse only applied to moving onto the mission field or planting a church or something of that nature.  I now think it looks different for everyone, I think it’s a decision to follow Jesus, surrender our lives and all our decisions to Him; and to be in tune to where He is leading and then courageous enough to walk it out.

I have prayed often as I literally run around in circles lately, that we can know what God is leading us to, and then give us the guts to GO and FOLLOW His lead.

I have feared we got it wrong when things don't turn out the way we thought, but now I don’t think we can get it wrong if we are surrendered, trying to listen and obey.  God is big enough to cover for our hearing issues and those of us who are directionally challenged. When things don’t go like we thought they would, this is the “troubles” this translation of this verse is referring too.

 

Each day as I see our kids having to adjust to not only their new school but a new way of life and how they have had to give up a ton, I have to look beyond what I can see with my eyes and what I can see at this moment and trust in what God is doing. 

 I can say with complete confidence and JOY 

– thru lots of tears of all kinds -

 the hardest decisions have brought about the biggest blessings.

I also keep thinking God is getting us ready for more, that we weren’t able to “train” for where we were.

  I believe He is just training us for the next thing, the next part of our journey, and we just weren’t quite ready and needed some more training on rougher terrain along with some precious GRAND bonding and BIG support before the next leg of our race.

  

 We didn’t leave because God said leave or He would be mad, because He would still love us and care for us not matter what our decisions are, His love and grace are never dependent on our decisions….we moved because our lives are surrendered to Him, and steady by jerks, with skinned knees and bruised foreheads, we are doing our best to follow Him in the way that He leads us.

Our prayer for several years has been,

“Don’t let us miss what you have for us, Lord.”

My stomach gets nauseous at the thought that we could have missed out on some of the greatest blessings God had for us if we hadn't lost our minds and made the decision to follow Him into deep and wild waves.

I also have to wonder and realize that we have missed out on some stuff, but instead of letting that trip me up, it makes me want to listen more intently and GO harder.

Showing Up! Awkward and Uncomfortable. School Year 2018-19

 This is a weird year for us and totally out of our comfort zone; it feels like home and right where we need to be, but it is not comfortable or easy.  Everything is new and different.  The weirdest part for me is that Charlie is not here.  I'm awkward as it is, and now I'm totally away from all things familiar and trying to herd 6 kids and all their activities without my man to buffer and lead. Ever since I can remember, I get in unsure situations, and my mind goes blank and I can't even put 2 words together.  So you can only imagine how conversations go these days.....(eye roll).

I think in the long run, it is good for me.  I have had to put on my Granny panties and act like a mother.

 I have had to push thru the uncomfortable awkwardness and just keep showing up (sometimes twice for the same thing because I get the time or place wrong a lot).

 Part of the current awkwardness is people see me with my circus kids and no man and I feel like they have questions and well-placed concerns...well....if I could put 2 words together, I could make it easier on all of us, but since I'm blacking out most of these public moments...I will just have to let them wonder.





The kids are all gone to school for their first day except for Maezie who I am homeschooling this year and Cellie who is going to spend too much time with Netflix this year.

Charlie flies in this evening to spend the weekend with us and see the first football games and volleyball game of the season.  Charlie is the best dad and husband a family could ever ask for.  He is working his head off and leading this family even from 1,000 miles away.









Every time I begin to panic about what we are doing I look at the GRAND scheme of things and remember what is really important.  

God is so faithful and kind and generous to provide for us and to help direct us out of our comfort zone and let us be a part of this sweet sweet season.

Proverbs 2:5-11 New Living Translation (NLT)

5 

Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

    and you will gain knowledge of God.

6 

For the Lord grants wisdom!

    From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

7 

He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.

    He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

8 

He guards the paths of the just

    and protects those who are faithful to him.

9 

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,

    and you will find the right way to go.

10 

For wisdom will enter your heart,

    and knowledge will fill you with joy.

11 

Wise choices will watch over you.

    Understanding will keep you safe.