Sunday, March 12, 2017
Derailed - Wrecked by Grace
Grace wrecked my life a few years ago. I’ve been a Christian since I can remember, and I’ve also been a
(as far as most knew, for the most part)
because I have always been a natural people pleaser. I never wanted people to be unhappy with anything I did or didn't do.
The natural response to that, is to live life, but not too much and not too little.
Don’t make waves too big, that way, nobody really notices you.
This works good for my personality.
I got wrecked.
Not physically, but in my heart.
My heart woke up.
I realized the GRACE I had been given in my life. I understood more fully what God had done for me and for the world.
He gave me my life, and then He gave me His life.
It kills me!
I was a sinner and have a perfect
Jesus Christ my Lord
who exchanged His life for mine.
This is GRACE.
This isn’t me, or anything I’ve done right or wrong.
So I began to live in that GRACE filled place and my heart went wild.
Wild for Jesus.
Wild for Jesus, in the way that I felt a love for Him that I had never felt, and in spite of my non-wave making personality, the LOVE and excitement overwhelmed me and made me
do things that weren’t always pleasing to people.
I began taking risks that were out of character and I began speaking up and making some waves.
I went off the rails of who people thought I was and off the rails of what people knew me to do and I LIVED
for the first time.
Then, somehow in the last few years I have slipped into old habits of trying to please people and conform to what people thought I should do, or who they thought I should be.
I became so confused and felt guilt instead of freedom.
I felt striving, instead of peace.
Everything felt heavy and wrong and dead.
Jesus had not left me and I had not walked away from God, I just paid way more attention to what I was doing and who I wasn't, then who God is and what He has done.
I forgot to enjoy and live in GRACE.
I wanted to jump on a train and head the right direction and not screw up anything or anyone.
I didn’t trust GRACE to keep me IN-LINE.
The freedom in GRACE felt free and unpredictable and wonderful and risky.
I missed it, but didn’t know how I had gotten back on the train, I just thought it was like losing that
I thought maybe it's just a rush and then it’s all grit from there.
I would have a GRACE thrill here and there, but would quickly retreat to safer territory.
This is such a sad look at GRACE…it’s like saying it’s all a feeling and it’s only temporary and it runs out or at the very least it gets dry and boring and hard and rigid.
This is not grace.
GRACE is full and ALIVE and never ENDING. It only increases as we walk in it.
It gets deeper and wider with each step.
I think that’s one of the things that I love about going to Uganda….I feel that GRACE, I know I stand out, and I know I’m an idiot to their “culture”, so I don’t try to to find the rails…I can only find the GRACE and the FREEDOM so I just OWN it and I operate in it.
And my heart comes to life, it breaks like a dam and it flows with a fresh rush of
I can feel my heart waking up and I am once again wrecked by
I pray I never retreat, that I walk into the deep of it all and feel the peace and flow and thrill of
Before you think....OH DEAR GOD...what is she gonna do?
It's not about what I do or don't do....it's about what Jesus already did for me.
I pray He has Kingdom work for me to DO,
and no matter what I'm doing,
I am a daughter to the King of Kings, God is my FATHER,
and I am being LOVED by the CREATOR and giver of LIFE.
*So. Are. You!*
I dare you to grasp THAT and not be WRECKED by the power of it all.*