The Day I Ruined God

I have to document today so that if there are any "follow up" visits regarding the following information I can have a clear memory of the events;  I may be slightly traumatized and block out all of the following information as soon as my mind will allow me.

First!  I wake up this morning feeling like GARBAGE, but have to force myself to take Maezie and Reece to their "well child checkup".  I am bad about doing these AT ALL, but there is a chance we may be losing our insurance at renewal time, so I drug my achey self out of the bed and out of the house.

The older kids were so good to help me get the littles ready for the big event, by dressing them and forgetting to comb their hair.

 JUST, as we are heading out, Esther informs me that Maezie slept with several uncapped markers all night and has MAJOR marker stains EVERY single place on her body and her bed.  All I could think to do, was ask if she had on clean underwear.  No clue what that was going to prove, but I've always heard good mothers make their kids wear clean underwear....WHATEVER...I panicked people.

We then proceed to the Dr. office where now days there is a list of questions that you can't prepare your children for because I don't want to make them liars or scared to go to the Dr. and answer questions, so here's how this goes.

Dr. - Maezie and Reece, do you always wear your seatbelt?
Maezie - Only sometimes.
Reece - Rolls eyes and acts like he is reading a magazine.

Dr. - Maezie and Reece, tell me about yourselves?
Maezie - I gave Reece a bloody nose.
Reece - Yep, she did.
Maezie - Doubles up her fist and gives a visual demonstration.
Dr. - Feverishly taking notes.

Dr. - Do you wear helmets when you ride bikes and scooters?
Reece - I'm really good at scootering, so I don't need a helmet.

Dr. - Let me listen to your belly Maezie.
Maezie - I just farted.

Dr. - Do you ever feel bullied at school Reece?
Reece - Welllllllllll, there's one kid and he lies and cheats at games.

Dr. - Kids, how do you cross the street?
Reece - look both ways and hold hands. (I'm feeling proud for 1/2 of a second.)

Dr. - Very good, do your parents help you cross the street? (We live in the country and NEVER cross any street).
Reece - Well, often times my family crosses the street and they leave me to do it ALONE.

Dr. - Kids, do you drink milk?
Maezie - Only chocolate.

Dr. - Do you eat your fruits and veggies every day?
Maezie - No, I hate eating.
Reece - She only eats when dad is home because he is strong.

Cellie, this whole time is making a mess and poops her pants and I'm doing the 'ole obnoxious nervous laugh, trying not to hurt my kids or hurl on the floor, because remember I DON'T FEEL WELL.

We have mild drama with the shots and such.

We make it out to the car, FINALLY, of which it is HOT outside and I had to leave my yapping Grand Dog in the car WITH ALL THE WINDOWS PART WAY DOWN, so the whole world could hear him yap and draw attention to my car because I did NOT realize the kids had put GRAND DOG in the car until we were halfway to town.

I come out of the Dr. office praising God that I get to leave with ALL my children and NO escort, and I see a kid standing at the back of my car looking at something and his mother grabs him and protectively shooshes him to the safety of their car, the kid turns and glares HARD at me.

It is then that I realize that LAST night we had a youth group event at our house and one of the kids thought he was sooooooooooo funny and wrote with his finger in the dust on my back window.

It went like this:  #BL MATTER #WHITE LIVES MATTER #ALL LIVES MATTER #MOTHER'S LIVES DON'T MATTER

So I'm now in the parking lot cleaning my car with spit, changing a poopy diaper, and telling my yapping GRAND DOG to SHUT UP.

I take the kids to Sonic and as I'm ordering, Reece rolls his window down and starts ordering.  I turn around and grab his ear, but by then the milkshake that I wasn't going to get him was already ordered and I was already too embarrassed about my life to tell the Sonic lady that I can't control my kid, and I don't want to have an arguement with him while the lady has her speaker on and can hear THE WHOLE thing, sooooooooooooo I just do what every good mother would do and I add a milkshake for Maezie and then roll up the window and have my fit.

Maezie gets her milkshake and in about 2 seconds spills it all over the back seat, I squeeze my achey self between my door and the speaker and get into the back of the car and use every napkin I have to clean up milkshake, all the while, my daughter IS IN HER SEAT BELT securely fastened, so I'm reaching around her little body that APPARENTLY only buckles up SOMETIMES.  Anyway, I get it all smeared around with the few napkins I have and there is a crafty coffee cup that the kids made at church this weekend, and I stuff the napkins in the cup, and Maezie goes into a FIT, saying that
I JUST RUINED GOD!!!!
Apparently God was in that coffee cup (which I can attest, sometimes He does show up there, but I had no idea).  She was screaming and yelling that it was the worst day, because I got her shot and ruined GOD!!!!

I had to leave and I came home and have not left my room since.

This is sadly a  true story because I could NEVER and WOULD NEVER make this stuff up.