No Plans, Just Events

Charlie's description of our family:  We don’t have plans we have events.

We didn’t even plan to have this as a family motto….it’s just the result of 29 years of events.

This is us, I suppose.

Making decisions is not my favorite.  Especially when I feel the pressure is on and the stakes are high.

At this point, on most days, I don’t feel qualified to decide what kind of milk to buy.

It’s not that we haven’t had some big decisions in life; it’s just that we seem to avoid them until it’s narrowed down to about 1 option and that’s what we decide. 

There have been a few things that we have had to DECIDE, and not just rely on events happening.

We have decided to follow Jesus.

 He is the best decision we have ever made. 

The big decisions for our family have been made through prayer and fighting and then active pursuit; intentional movement.

  We have felt guided by the Lord in the big decisions but also knowing that He won’t abandon us or be mad at us no matter what we decide, but we risk missing out.

The decision to follow Him is one we make and actively pursue every day. 

It would be easy to fall into the trap of sitting still and just hang on for heaven.

I don’t think that is a true definition of “following Him” which is what he invited us to do.

Following requires paying attention to where the person is that you are following. 

 Following requires staying focused on Who you are following and moving in step with who you are following.

 The most gorgeous blessings we have ever received have come in saying yes to some big decisions that did not make sense AT ALL, such as when we said yes to that first mission trip, or our adopted kids, or a move to Montana.

We have felt led and guided into these big decisions, by God, but they have all come at a great price and the payoff has been enormous.

Mark 10:28-31 The Message (MSG)

²⁸ Peter tried another angle: “We left everything and followed you.”

^29-31 Jesus said, “Mark my words, no one who sacrifices house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land—whatever—because of me and the Message will lose out. They’ll get it all back, but multiplied many times in homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land—but also in troubles. And then the bonus of eternal life! This is once again the Great Reversal: Many who are first will end up last, and the last first.”

I used to think this verse only applied to moving onto the mission field or planting a church or something of that nature.  I now think it looks different for everyone, I think it’s a decision to follow Jesus, surrender our lives and all our decisions to Him; and to be in tune to where He is leading and then courageous enough to walk it out.

I have prayed often as I literally run around in circles lately, that we can know what God is leading us to, and then give us the guts to GO and FOLLOW His lead.

I have feared we got it wrong when things don't turn out the way we thought, but now I don’t think we can get it wrong if we are surrendered, trying to listen and obey.  God is big enough to cover for our hearing issues and those of us who are directionally challenged. When things don’t go like we thought they would, this is the “troubles” this translation of this verse is referring too.

 

Each day as I see our kids having to adjust to not only their new school but a new way of life and how they have had to give up a ton, I have to look beyond what I can see with my eyes and what I can see at this moment and trust in what God is doing. 

 I can say with complete confidence and JOY 

– thru lots of tears of all kinds -

 the hardest decisions have brought about the biggest blessings.

I also keep thinking God is getting us ready for more, that we weren’t able to “train” for where we were.

  I believe He is just training us for the next thing, the next part of our journey, and we just weren’t quite ready and needed some more training on rougher terrain along with some precious GRAND bonding and BIG support before the next leg of our race.

  

 We didn’t leave because God said leave or He would be mad, because He would still love us and care for us not matter what our decisions are, His love and grace are never dependent on our decisions….we moved because our lives are surrendered to Him, and steady by jerks, with skinned knees and bruised foreheads, we are doing our best to follow Him in the way that He leads us.

Our prayer for several years has been,

“Don’t let us miss what you have for us, Lord.”

My stomach gets nauseous at the thought that we could have missed out on some of the greatest blessings God had for us if we hadn't lost our minds and made the decision to follow Him into deep and wild waves.

I also have to wonder and realize that we have missed out on some stuff, but instead of letting that trip me up, it makes me want to listen more intently and GO harder.

Showing Up! Awkward and Uncomfortable. School Year 2018-19

 This is a weird year for us and totally out of our comfort zone; it feels like home and right where we need to be, but it is not comfortable or easy.  Everything is new and different.  The weirdest part for me is that Charlie is not here.  I'm awkward as it is, and now I'm totally away from all things familiar and trying to herd 6 kids and all their activities without my man to buffer and lead. Ever since I can remember, I get in unsure situations, and my mind goes blank and I can't even put 2 words together.  So you can only imagine how conversations go these days.....(eye roll).

I think in the long run, it is good for me.  I have had to put on my Granny panties and act like a mother.

 I have had to push thru the uncomfortable awkwardness and just keep showing up (sometimes twice for the same thing because I get the time or place wrong a lot).

 Part of the current awkwardness is people see me with my circus kids and no man and I feel like they have questions and well-placed concerns...well....if I could put 2 words together, I could make it easier on all of us, but since I'm blacking out most of these public moments...I will just have to let them wonder.





The kids are all gone to school for their first day except for Maezie who I am homeschooling this year and Cellie who is going to spend too much time with Netflix this year.

Charlie flies in this evening to spend the weekend with us and see the first football games and volleyball game of the season.  Charlie is the best dad and husband a family could ever ask for.  He is working his head off and leading this family even from 1,000 miles away.









Every time I begin to panic about what we are doing I look at the GRAND scheme of things and remember what is really important.  

God is so faithful and kind and generous to provide for us and to help direct us out of our comfort zone and let us be a part of this sweet sweet season.

Proverbs 2:5-11 New Living Translation (NLT)

5 

Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

    and you will gain knowledge of God.

6 

For the Lord grants wisdom!

    From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

7 

He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.

    He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

8 

He guards the paths of the just

    and protects those who are faithful to him.

9 

Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,

    and you will find the right way to go.

10 

For wisdom will enter your heart,

    and knowledge will fill you with joy.

11 

Wise choices will watch over you.

    Understanding will keep you safe.

70 Looks Amazing!

 Happy Birthday, Meme! 

 If this is what 70 looks like, I'm pretty pumped to get there.

 God blessed our family with the best Mom, and Meme, and Meme Grape in one beautiful package.

 Us sisters have chatted and texted for months about how to properly celebrate this day and make our mom feel just a sliver of the honor she deserves on her special day.  As it turned out, I got the privilege of having my mom here with us for the week of her birthday.
 I know there is much more celebrating to come, but I had the honor of getting the party started.

My dad couldn't make the trip, but he sent Mom off with a blessing; and in his very Papa way, he stayed involved and in touch and in communication the whole time. 

 It brought him so much joy and healing to see that mom was doing so well.

Maubry was shedding some tears at the party, and once we all settled down long enough to notice, we asked what the problem was.....she was very sad because Maezie was "BRAGGING" about getting a picture alone with Meme.  

That pretty much describes this woman best...the kids fight over her and brag about their connection and time with her.  So of course, Meme and Maubry had a special photo session and all was right in the world of Meme's Grands and Greats.

Lashae had told Chaney when they first got married that she wanted to spend Meme's 70th birthday with her, and here we are, and God gave Lashae a beautiful set of twin Great Grand gifts to ensure Meme's travel to Montana to celebrate her 70th and meet her latest little treasures.

God's timing and attention to the desires of our hearts,  His patience, and His love and faithfulness, His amazing blessings and gifts to His children, before they are born and for 70 years and counting are all represented in this life story and in this picture. 

Reece and Maezie insisted on getting up at 4:45am to help me take Meme to the airport to head back to her home in Texas.  When we got home from dropping her off, I told them they needed to go back to bed to get some more sleep.  They asked if they could sleep in Meme's bed so they could still smell her, before her smell goes away.  Reece and Maezie and Cellie are all curled up sleeping soundly in the bed Meme slept in while she was here, just breathing her in as long as they can.

Proverbs 31:28-29

Her children stand and bless her.

    Her husband praises her:

29 

“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

    but you surpass them all!”

Go Back To What You Know

In 2007 when we felt devastated about the Feed Barn, a business we put a lot of hope into – we didn’t really know what to do when it all fell apart.  We felt lost, without direction, we felt so sure that the Lord has led us into that business.  When things fell apart it was more than a financial hit, it felt like a betrayal or a punishment of some sort.  I remember vividly in the midst of our confusion and our processing, of where to go from here; a friend called up Charlie and said he felt like he had some insight into our situation; we were all ears.  He said, "Just go back to what you know."  He talked about the story in the Bible, in John 21 when Jesus had died and risen again, and he had appeared to His disciples a few times, and his disciples weren’t sure what to do, because everything had changed for them, but they didn’t know what to do with themselves, they felt lost and confused and bummed.

  Some of the disciples just decided to go back to what they knew….they went fishing.

Our friend's advice to Charlie was to go back to what you know.
 Charlie did just that, and went back to building. 

I would love to say things just boomed for us once we did, but I can say, God has faithfully and abundantly provided everything we have needed.

Charlie never left the building business completely, even during the Feed Barn days, but he mostly just ran the jobs and subbed out most of the physical part of building.  When we went back to what he knew, he went back to a lot of the physical part of building and often times would work alone. Frankly, it is humbling and hard work and has felt like a step back for 10 years now,  he has been back to building and working with his back. 

Charlie has often said that God would provide for the next thing when it was time to change it up,  just like He did in this story when Jesus provided the net full of fish before He called Peter to the next thing.

I feel like we have been fishing all night, or building for 10 more years, and now Jesus has told us to throw our net on the other side, it makes no sense because we have the experience and we have been at it a long time, and to just throw our net out and expect different results seems silly.

 I feel like whatever God has us doing right now, is just getting us ready for the little fireside conversation with Jesus.

We aren't looking for a  promotion or a prosperity promise; that would counteract all that we have learned from Him all these years, about His provision and His faithfulness, and our need to depend on Him daily.

 I think this is where we are in our journey with Him, and things are about to get very different for us. 

When Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved him….

All 3 times Peter responded with yes, and you already know I love you….

And Jesus would respond to Peter’s YES with

Feed my lambs.

Tend my sheep.

Feed my sheep.

The question I have running thru my head and beating in my heart, is what does this lamb feeding, sheep tending, sheep feeding look like for us. 

This is GRACE, it isn’t a conditional love on either end of this relationship…
it isn't Jesus saying…
IF you love me THEN do this….

And Peter isn’t saying:

IF you know that I love you, THEN tell me how to prove it.

It’s taken most of my life to get past the IF / THEN part of the love story between me and Jesus, and really me and anyone.

I think of it like my kids….I don’t feed them to prove my love and I don’t feed them to make them love me…..I feed them because they are my kids and need to be fed.
  I'm thrilled to love them, and feeding them and caring for their needs is just part of what I get to do in their lives!

It’s not a conditional agreement of our love…it’s just who we are to each other.

Help us to LOVE you so much JESUS that our answer is:

Yes LORD you know I love you, and out of that love I want to be a part of something you are doing.

55!

Happy Birthday to my man! 

He has always been a handful and now he is a handful times 2.

 55 years. 

 5 stands for grace, so 55 must mean double the grace! 

 We are all about doubling up these days. 

 Charlie has always been a father and husband that is willing to work hard and sacrifice for his family, and this year has been no exception.

As I watch most guys his age start to slow down and take up some serious hobbies I watch my man just ramping up to a whole new level of work and sacrifice. 

My man's knee-jerk reaction to most things is often, NO, because he knows what another commitment, another yes, means for him, but then he quickly follows up the NO with,

 "I can't ever say no, if it's God's plan" 

and then it is a 

YES.  

When my man says yes, he means it.  He will see it thru.  He will be all in.

He has learned to rely on God's Word and direction and His provision for our family. 

 One of the big provisions God has given to us is that Charlie can work harder than anyone I've ever known, he can carry a heavy load and he can take a lot of heat.

I have watched this man support this family and work thru some pretty hard stuff and now he has left in Oregon, away from all of us, and providing and supporting and encouraging and spending every spare moment and dime to make the effort to be with us.

Charlie loves on all people everywhere he goes!

We spent this last weekend enjoying some time with friends in Coeur D' Alene!