Mothering

This post is just some ponderings....I have no wisdom, but I have been thinking about this whole "mothering" thing. I love this job, this title, this responsibility, this blessing more than anything else in this world. But what does it mean really? This is heavy on my mind because my oldest is graduating in one week and I just keep wondering where the time went? I can hardly remember any of it, what did I teach her, what was her childhood like, did I do a good job, what is the next phase with her? So as I ponder these things it occurs to me that most of my thoughts are ultimately about ME. Like for instance...does she know just how much I love her, does she know that she can come to me no matter what FOREVER, does she know that I will come to her rescue at the drop of a hat and help her, does she know that I will DO anything for her for the rest of her life??? Well, these are not only self centered thoughts they just aren't true...

Does she know how much I love her...my love is so weak, and my love is so fallible and my love is so incomplete, but the love of God is perfect. So I hope I taught her about God's love not mine, because mine will fail her, God's will never fail.

Does she know she can come to me for anything and I will always be there for her...again...not true...as much as I'd love to I can not always be there for her, I could die today or she could go to a foreign country and then I've taught her a lie...but, God will always be there for her He is eternal, He will never leave her, even when she goes to the other side of the world or when she dies He will be there ALWAYS.

Does she know I would rescue her at the drop of a hat...again, not true. I would certainly try, but the truth of the matter is there is so much in this world that is completely out of my control or even my understanding, but, God has complete control, he sees the whole picture and He is Soverign and he is in the business of redemption. He can redeem every situation every circumstance, so even if He allowed her to go through something horrible or if He allowed her to pass from this earth, HE is her Savior here and in Heaven forever.

Does she know that I would do anything for her...not true....I am so limited in what I can do and I don't know what is best, but I know God can do all things according to His plan and His purpose, and He has NO limits. HE IS GOD.

So what it boils down to for me is the only real job as a mother is NOT to teach them about me, but to point them to God, to teach them who is the Creator of them and this entire earth, and pray for God to cover all, because as a mother He did give me a very important roll, but that roll is to realize I am nothing without Him and I can do nothing without Him, and then to teach my children the same, and to always hold them up in prayer before the One who can love them to perfection, redeem them, save them, protect them, guide them, and give them EVERYTHING they need. I have screwed up countless times as a mother, and will continue to screw up, but I know that God gives grace, and so with His GRACE, love, guidance, and protection I get to be involved with 5 wonderful kids that He put in my charge for a few things.

Broken!!

They are home...my man and baby are HOME!!! They are a very broken though. Charlie can not have a conversation or bring up the names of the people he met without breaking down. He can not even hear the name Esther without his eyes welling up with tear. She is a 9 year old little girl and she has stolen his heart.

Charlie and Lashae are already talking about "when they go back".....so, be praying, maybe it's your turn...or your husband's turn...I love my new man...my prayer is that he won't be changed back to "business as usual". I feel for him that is heart is in pieces...but, it is for the right reasons, and he has a renewed love for Jesus and people, and he is bold!!! We went to PB&J last night and he laid it on the line....we need Jesus, we need faith, nothing else matters.

He went to minister to others, and came back ministered TOO!! I realize we don't have to go to Africa or anywhere else for that matter to find faith, and Jesus, and boldness, but I do think we have to get out of our comfort zones and have our eyes and ears opened up in a whole new way. The Lord knows how to deal with each of us, He created us, we just have to be willing and we have to want more of Him. We have to want to be changed and then it is our Lord and Savior who does the changing in us. Even our faith comes directly from Him who created us.

I pray for us to Love our Lord more, love our neighbor more, and increase our faith, We just need to allow Him in and to grow is us to make the change.

First Pictures of Africa Mission

Still a cowboy....across the world in Africa, with a Crook County wrestling shirt...and African bead around his neck...made special by Esther...his gal.







Lashae loving on some kids....there is tons of pictures of her giving all her attention to one at a time.....

Charlie got some ropes donated and oh what a hit. Those were treasures. And Charlie had fun trying to teach them to rope.






Trying to show Noah how to rope....Noah is a story all in himself....Jim, Charlie claims he IS a black born again Don Anderson....He is a blast!!! And prayer warrior, this guy will stay up all night and pray for you at the drop of a hat.

Here is the team with the kids and staff from The Redeemer House. The little girl in the red in Charlie's lap is Esther and she has stolen Charlie's heart. He can not say her name without his eyes welling up with tears. She is an orphan and she has many scars inside and out, but Charlie has found a place in his heart for her, and it will be fun to watch what the Lord has in mind for this precious relationship.

Does Lashae look like she was made to do this or what . This girl has never looked happier and more comfortable in her own skin....To say the Lord has a calling on her young life would be an understatement.

Overwhelmed...At First!!!

Ecclesiastes 11:5 "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things."


So, I was running this morning and had some thoughts bouncing around in this head of mine...scary, I know, but it happened! I was trying to figure out what we need to do with all the devastation that Charlie and Lashae have now personally seen. They will never be the same, once you have seen what they have seen and know what they know, it changes a person, and they must do something. The Bible tells us that we can not pretend we don't know something once we know. So....what do we do???? Well, as I was getting more and more overwhelmed just thinking about it, I realized EXACTLY what to do...RELY ON THE LORD...ASK HIM WHAT HE WANTS US TO DO...AND LEAN ON HIM FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED, TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS US TO DO. RELY ON HIM FOR THE IDEAS THE FINANCES, THE TIME, THE ENERGY...EVERYTHING.

I remembered how this whole mission trip happened in the first place...first of all it wasn't AT ALL my idea or desire...I actually have had quite the attitude about missions...but, the LORD changed my heart. I had nothing to do with it, other than seeking Him and getting to know Him better, and then my heart was changed.

Then, I remember thinking there is no way, we are in the worst financial way we have EVER been, it would be irresponsible to do a mission...well, I was right, it would be if we were relying on ourselves and our ability to pay for it, or figure it out. Instead we PRAYED and we asked the Lord what is Your will, and He PROVIDED....I still don't fully understand that part, but I can tell you, we did not choose to put money toward Africa that should have been used to pay bills...not even close....God provided in miraculous ways. We also didn't do fundraisers we did not DO anything, we relied on the Lord alone, it was too much for us to figure out, we can't even figure out how to make ends meet as it is right now. So we gave Him complete control and HE provided.

Then, I remember thinking and verbalizing...Lashae is a senior, again, it would be irresponsible to leave her last month of school and miss 2 weeks....my goodness, she has worked for this and been focused for 12 years now...it would be stupid to go right now. And the Lord totally worked it out it the blink of an eye....with each teacher and each class, and they encouraged her to GO!!! Same for Charlie, he finished several projects before he left, the timing could not have been better on his end of things as far as work goes.

So when I remember all that, and then get overwhelmed about what I"M to do with AFRICA...I had to literally STOP...I'm not going to do a thing, except PRAY, seek the LORD, listen to HIM, rely on HIM alone for EVERYTHING and He will change my heart, He will provide and He will work out all the details and the timing and make it happen. I will RELY fully on Him, because when I don't I make a big ole mess. I know I can best be used by God when I quit trying to figure it out and make it happen, because I'm at the end of myself....I'm in such disarray that I can't figure out how to navigate into next week, so all I can do is look to Him and that is when He can work, when we get out of HIS way, and become the vessel we were meant to be.

Thankful Thursday!!!

I am thankful that it is Thursday...and on Sunday all will have all my chicks back in my nest. Plus my man!!

I am thankful that we as a family are going through the "mission" experience...very good. I love when you think you are doing something to bless others and the blessing is all yours...happening over and over!

I am thankful that My sister and mom took their entire weekend for me...to help me do something special for my little graduate...it is GOOD!!!!

I am thankful for Wednesday morning Bible study....such a wonderful time...look forward to it HUGE...every week. Loving the study....loving it....loving the ladies!

I am thankful that I have 5 healthy amazing kids that I do NOT deserve, but have been blessed to get to raise.

I am thankful that even though my man and my oldest are half way across the world...we can still communicate....that is just soooo awesome!!!

This is just a few I can come up with right now.....could go on and on...there's soooooo much....what are you thankful for???

My Africans

So here's the question and answer...how is everyone doing??? Lashae and Charlie are doing great. They are loving this experience more than they ever knew they would. Lashae had a pretty good idea she was going to love it, but she is blown away. She loves it and hates it. She loves the people, and just the little things she can do for them, she hates the injustice of human beings having to live so rough. Charlie is enjoying every bit of it...I laugh with my sisters because when he left he told everyone his objective was to mostly watch Lashae...she was not going to get out of his sight...by day 2 I had to ask if he had seen Lashae. Charlie is off solving the world one task at a time, and just doesn't worry about Lashae...in Charlie form....he has learned to love the people and trust each of them. Cracks me up!!! Charlie rarely talks to me that he doesn't have a new child for us to sponsor, and chokes up as he tells me the story of their life.



Then, the question of how we are doing....we are great. I have a man child named Kole in the house that takes care of everything that any man can do, and a little mommy child named Charsie and she keeps me and Luke and Reece lined out. Then I have Luke who provides entertainment at all times, and Reece who keeps me on the move so fast I have no time to really wonder how I'm doing.



Everyone says Charlie and Lashae are going to be changed when they get back. For me, I will embrace this fully, I love how they were before, but even the change in Charlie's voice is so tender. He is touched and I want to change in his direction versus his hardening back to "business as usual". My prayer is that this experience is a life change for our whole family for a lifetime. The prayer is that we can look at things with a different perspective, and make changes accordingly. Once we see what they have seen, we are responsible for that information. Not that we can solve every problem, but we can do something. We can't walk away and say we didn't know. We know and now we must adjust. My prayer is we move forward into more action, and a more tender heart and look at injustices and evils in this world and are disgusted.

I'm excited for my family to once again be on one side of the world and on the same continent, but I hope they are changed and I hope to change right along with them. Changes that bring us closer to our Lord and bring us to love others more deeply are good changes that hopefully will be forever. So when people say "they will never be the same"....I say yippee...yahoo, and I want in!

Happy Mother's Day Mom. If you don't know...that is my mom in the red...I know you thought she was one of the sisters. This has been a mistake many have made and I do take it as a compliment hoping to God that means I will get that gene.

Mother's Day for me is double awesome!! I love
honoring my mom...even though it seems on all
special occasions she finds a way of being the giver. My mom is one of those people that can relate to anyone...she will find some common ground, she has seen a lot of life in that pretty face.

She was an only child, but married a man with many siblings...so she can relate to only children and sibling rivalry...she has been married for over 40 years with 4 daughters 4 son-in-laws, and 18 grandchildren...that is a lot of experience and life right there.

She has worked for people, she has had people work for her, she has been in many different businesses. She has learned to live in plenty and in sparse times. She adjusts and relates to all circumstances.

She can kick around in the dirt at a rodeo, and attend a dance recital all on the same day, and is looking and acting the part for each event.

My mom loves the Lord and has taught us all to do the same, she's always learning and trying to learn the latest whether in health news, or business news, or politics...she's always learning new things.

My mom also has an adventurous side, she loves the outdoors...and then loves to come to a beautiful indoor, and get those hiking toe nails done up pretty...again relating in 2 extremes on the same day.

I love my Mom.

The second part to a double awesome mother's day....is I get to be a mother!!! My most favorite job on earth. Yesterday, I got spoiled by the kids...Kole cleaned my car to perfection inside and out...anyone who knows me knows what a job this was, and Charsie cleaned the inside of the house and blew out the barn. What a treat!!!! These are my most favorite gifts ever. Luke planted me a flower, and Reece....well, he just took a good nap...now that's a gift. Lashae is in Africa, and called me all the way from there to wish me a Happy Mother's Day, and she has several friends who wished me a happy mother's day too. So, my Mother's Day was a WIN WIN!!!

Over Half of My Heart is in Africa

Today, I can not focus.....I can not figure out what my problem is.....and then I realize my better half is in Africa, and my oldest babe is as well. I just don't seem to have the focus or energy to do anything other that wonder what it's like....how is this changing them....what will they be like when they get home?? I'm just going through the motions here....I have baseball, little league, business duties, mother duties. It's all good stuff, stuff that I thrive on and love, but I just keep spacing off, and then again realize...over half of my heart is in Africa.

I got news that Lashae was sick...I didn't panic...I know who to go to in these situations...I know God Almighty and I know it all rests in His hands. It only spurred me on to pray for Charlie and Lashae and the rest of the team more diligently...I wondered why do I wait until I get a major concern that I get good and serious with my Lord. Maybe He allowed all that just to get me focused on Him once again.

I need to clarify, I am not immune to worry and panic, but when they are in Africa and I am here, I know there is NOTHING I can do, but pray. I need to realize this more often. Even though at home, I can take my kids to the Dr. and I can help nurse them back to health, and that makes me feel better and maybe even more in control, but the truth of the matter is I'm NEVER in control. I just have a false sense of control when they are home in my supposed care. I'm so glad that truly I am not in control and that I do know the One who is! I can't even keep my house clean, how in the world do I think I can handle their very lives.

So, if I seem a bit more spacie than even the usual...bear with me....there's a big part of me in Africa, and I just can't think of a place I'd rather have my heart....because it is their hearts desire to be there and the will of God and that is just a great place for my heart to be.

My Man is Sexy.

I've never been more in love with my man than I am right now. It's not just because he is halfway around the world either. Haha. I fell in love with my man when he was just a cowboy on the rodeo trail. He would work his butt off all week at a ranch, and leave on Fri. , rodeo all week-end and come home to work some more...but he was such a blast. I fell in love with his zest for life, and his work ethic and his attitude...it was always positive, and upbeat. He was always dirty and sweaty, either from just getting off a bull at the rodeo, or working his head off at a ranch.



He has continued with all his great qualities. He can still out work anybody I've ever met, he still has a zest for life, BUT he also has the weight of the world on his shoulders many days. He just feels the stress of life, financial stresses, lack of time, too much to be done, needing to be in 10 places at once...all these things at the same time.



Hearing him in Africa, and watching him prepare to go has just blessed my heart, and I'm just seeing all the qualities I originally fell in love with....with the true Life bubbling out of him.

In preparation for this he really had to seek the Lord's will and make a huge step of faith, and there is nothing better than a true man of God. I have seen this more vividly in him lately, maybe because to him it just seemed all so overwhelming and he has just had to rely on the Lord, and make that step, even when it seemed out of reach.

While in Africa, he gets to work his head off, get many many thanks for doing so, and just walk away. He has nothing to follow up on, no billing to be done, no invoicing, no inspections. Just bless the socks off of someone who has nothing, and thinks you are a complete hero and walk away. No complaints no changing their minds just happy satisfied customers, that happen to entertain him with rhythm on a garbage can while he works.

He is also the best dad in the universe right now, which makes me love that man more than ever. He has always been the most excellent father to our kids....there really is no better, but to go to Africa, which is not exactly a pleasant VACATION with his daughter is absolutely out of this world cool.

So, I'm in love with my sexy man more than ever when he's half way around the world, doing what The Word of God tells us to do, he is helping orphans, giving to the poor, and loving on the least of these. He's carefree and living with zeal. And he's being the best dad in this world. It just doesn't get any better than that. Next time I will just have to join him so I can be all in love and actually be with him....

Total Peace

I've been asked many times...."How are you doing?" Well, I am just great. No kidding. I am not the least bit worried about Charlie or Lashae. I know it is very early on, so I will update you as to how I'm doing as time goes by. But I can only think that the reason I'm at such peace is that I know soooo many people are praying. I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this mission is smack dab in the middle of God's will. He showed that to me over and over. In times when I wasn't at peace, and they hadn't even left yet, He would again confirm in some way that this was something He wanted to happen. And I am only guessing, but maybe this is how it feels when we are a part of something that God is doing. Again, I know that I know we don't have to go on a mission to be in God's will, or feel at peace, or have people pray with us and for us...but maybe, just maybe if we treated EVERYTHING like a mission trip, and went to Him with everything in our lives and shared many prayers with others, and surrendered all our own plans and ideas to Him, and asked Him to speak to us, and asked for His will on every decision and asked for His confirmation then maybe this is what He talks about in His Word when He says in Phillipians 4:6-7 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.