The Best PB&J!

Over the span of the last 8 years with a few little breaks here and there we have had a bunch of teens that would meet to eat, and play, and pray and learn about Jesus.

The group was called PB&J and it stood for 

People

Barns 

&

Jesus.

It was based on:

Acts 2:42  (ESV)

The Fellowship of the Believers

42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.

I believe teens are the hungriest people on earth.  Not just hungry for food, which they are...but hungry for knowing the TRUTH, for knowing Jesus and for relationship with Him and with others that know Him.

John 6:35 

Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

I believe teens are hungry and their hearts are wild.

  When we feed their wild hearts the bread of life, their lives take off in the direction that will keep them growing for eternity. 

 They develop a taste for the TRUTH and if they taste and experience it, and do it alongside people that are eating the same healthy food, they will always know and they will always grow and they will all be together for eternity no matter where life takes them.   

John 14:6 

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

We did PB&J with a few other parents and friends that enjoyed feeding hungry teens.

We used our time together to learn from each other and grow in the Lord right alongside the kids.

Mike (who did most of the teaching at PB&J 1.0) used to come in and ask me what God was saying to me???

I would get all nervous and awkward (my usual state of being) and he would keep pressing in. 

 I learned over time to just say what was on my heart, I would even think about it before the conversation happened. 

 I knew it was worth getting past the nervous awkward part, to enjoy the sweet  and rich conversations that involved talking about what the Lord was saying and doing in my life and in the lives of the people I loved. 

I have learned to trust the Lord and His ability to communicate with me.  

 He is the God who is the Word became flesh to dwell among us....He must be pretty serious about being able to communicate in a way we can understand Him and experience Him.

We  learned more from these kids than we could ever claim to teach them.  These kids have brave hearts that love and live big.
 These are a few of the pictures from the first round of teens, PB&J 1.0.

These kids have all grown up and moved on with their lives. These are some of my favorite memories in our barn/house.

A few years ago....we realized we were in the same place AGAIN...we had a house full of hungry teens ( 3 of our own) and we wanted to invite other teens in to share some life giving food with.

We decided to do a PB&J 2.0 and let our second round of teens invite friends over and learn more about Jesus and play and pray and eat together.

We had our last PB&J 2.0 gathering the other night.  It was a sweet time with these hungry teens.  We spent our last meeting together by encouraging the kids to talk with each other often about what God is doing in their lives.  We encouraged them to go beyond conversations about school and sports and weather and talk about what God is saying to them;  share what God is doing in their lives.  We practiced this, we went around and asked  the kids what God was doing in each of their lives, currently. They all had an answer, they all had something to say and we learned from each other.

We reminded the kids to stay in His Word, so that they can recognize His voice when He speaks to them.  We taught them that God will never contradict His Word, so if they hear something and they aren't sure if it's truth, they can always go to His written Word.


In typical teen fashion, they were hungry and wild, they ate up all that was shared, and they shared with courage and energy.  We ended the night with brave and bold prayers.

We said a tearful good-bye, and prayed a blessing over them and them for us.  We are thankful for the time these kids have spent opening up their lives to us, and we are thankful to each of their parents for allowing us to share in their kids' lives.

On The Move - Part 2

I have lived in Central Oregon my whole life, minus 1 year in California my Jr. year of high school.  I have lived the last 37 years within a 4 mile radius.  I have driven, rode, and ran these back roads of this community for thousands and thousands of miles. 

  It is a huge change to move from the community we have always called home.  Even though I have never lived anywhere else, God has expanded our territory so much that we call several places “home.”

 Our hearts and family are spread out all over the world.

8 years ago, the first time we ever went to Uganda, we fell in love with the people; our definition of home and family changed forever.  We have felt completely at home there and constantly feel drawn to go back.  We have so many loved ones there, that when we visit, we are HOME!

 Then, when Lashae and Chaney moved to Montana and added grand babies to the equation, each time I visited it became more and more home to me.  Then, Charsie and Jesse moved to Montana and now Kole and Rachel live there.  Even before we felt the nudge to move there, Montana became home in a sense.  We quit looking at all the circumstances (mostly the weather) and started looking at the people.  With each of our grown kids that have moved over there and each grand baby, Montana began to feel more like home than the home we have always known.  When I’m there I feel at home, and when I’m not there I want to be there because I miss everyone so much.

I believe this “move” is only part of the journey for us. I don’t think it is possible to be completely settled in only one place anymore and yet I’m settled wherever I am for that part of the journey.  Our hearts and family are spread out to different places, our definition of “home” has changed.

Isaiah 43:19 New Living Translation (NLT)

19 

For I am about to do something new.

    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

On The Move part 1

I remember the first time I really struggled with God over our house situation.

Charlie was in the church announcing our heart and intention to adopt Esther, and I was in the car in the parking lot with a restless toddler

 (that was my excuse for excusing myself to the car).

I had prayed expectantly all the prayers that I thought could motivate God to intervene, and God was not fixing our situation, at least not that I could see and certainly not in my time frame.

While Charlie was in Uganda meeting our daughter, I was receiving paperwork saying we were headed into foreclosure on our house.

I remember telling the Lord that I wanted to adopt, but I didn’t feel right about it, given the situation we were in, and I didn’t think we could or should until He fixed our situation.

I mean what business did we have committing to raising another child when we were obviously failing at life.

This was the lie I told myself so often.

I remember so clearly him telling me that our house situation would be part of the testimony; that we were to obey Him and follow His call on our hearts to adopt, even in the midst of not knowing how or when this was all going to work out.

I didn’t hear Him audibly but I knew EXACTLY what He said.

As time went on and on and on for 8 solid years, I couldn’t figure out what we had missed or why God didn’t seem to be answering or taking an active role in our dilemma.

 It felt hopeless, and like it was getting worse, not better. Don’t get me wrong, He did a ton, His provision was generous and gracious and beyond anything we could ever hope for.  He has let us live here for all these years; we didn’t make one payment in all those years.

Once you get behind, it’s all or nothing. 

Catch up or shut up.

 Honestly it felt a little bit like God was paying child-support vs. being an active Father in this particular aspect of our lives.

 My journals are full for 8 years of repeating the same prayer a thousand different ways.

  Help us Lord! Help us with this mess! It’s getting worse Lord, and we don’t see a way out.

We begged for direction and answers and we felt like we got silence and faithful provision.

 I was thankful for the “child-support”, but it just felt like He was disconnected and not really in it with us.

It felt like He was providing, but not hearing us or fixing it.

We tried everything we knew how, and we took advice from anyone who would offer up an idea or expertise or prayer.

We tried to sell, refinance, apply for programs, and all the while pray pray praying.

As things seemed to drag out longer and longer, I had it in the back of my mind, that God was going to make sure nobody got credit for what He was going to do, it was going to be His deliverance and His alone. I felt it so strongly, but I rarely had the confidence to speak it out, as I felt like we had failed, or we wouldn't be in such a situation.

Over the years, we tried to make this plan and that plan, basically thinking if we just did the right thing, that God would release us to move on, or make something come together so we could stay and pay like good people who pay what they owe.

Every time we got restless in our situation, Charlie looked for work elsewhere and I looked at moving to some place with warm weather and a fresh start.

 Nothing felt right, nothing opened up.

We continued on right where we were.

We never stopped living right where we were, we were raising kids and living our lives, but we always had in the back of our minds….

How is this thing going to turn out???

In the meantime, God blessed us and added to the equation with 2 amazing kids thru adoption, and 2 more birth children, 2 son-in- laws, 1 daughter- in- law, and 5 grandchildren.

We began to pray that God could use us somewhere outside of our 4 walls, and asked that God would provide support for our kids we are still raising.  We have 3 teenagers and 3 littles we are still raising. The 3 teens are so different from one another; these  3 teens all need something so different, and it has felt like Charlie and I weren’t cutting it anymore. We needed help and support in a whole new way.  We have had great support over the years, from family and friends and teachers and coaches; but it felt like we needed more.  We were seeing some red flags and we know we are in the last stretch of having them in our home and parenting at this close proximity.  We need people that will pour into their hearts, not just their activities, for the rest of their lives, not just for a season.  We had a shift in thinking from moving towards a better job and weather, to moving to opportunity for deeper relationship and community.

We went to Montana for Spring Break to see all our grown kids and grand kids, and within the hour of our arrival we got a message that we had an offer on our house.

After 8 years of waiting, we had an offer the very hour we arrived in Montana to explore the possibility of moving there.

The offer was a full price offer and Charlie came home and signed it on March 28, which is 7 years to the day that Esther came home to us.

 March 28 is a big deal to us, because we reflect and celebrate all God has done and taught us thru the process of adoption.

  We mark another year of His faithfulness thru good and hard times.

  God moved in our lives in such a mighty and personal way in that season, that from that experience forward, we have never been the same.

 It blows my mind that He chose the exact day of the year, that is unique and special to our family, to show us once again, 7 years later how close He is paying attention, that He is not just paying child – support,  He was not absent or out of touch; He is patient and faithful and good. 

He could see the whole picture, when I could only see the growing problem right in front of me.

He was working it all together for our good and His Glory!

He knew each detail of each person this would affect and He loves each person and didn’t let one thing or one person or one day fall thru the cracks.

Romans 8:25-30 English Standard Version (ESV)

²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

²⁶ Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ²⁷ And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because  the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ²⁸ And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 We still have to move forward in faith, but each time we come to a crossroad or a decision He has shown us which way to go!

 It is so important for us to know that God is the one leading and guiding us in every decision and directing every step we take. 

God has blessed us and trusted us with this family, we praise Him for all He has done, and we thank Him, and we pray that He moves us closer to Him no matter what our address is. 

What Would He Say Today?

My cousin Duane got to meet Jesus face to face today. 

 He is the first one of

 "US"

my generation...my first cousin.

I've thought about him all day and what he might say after he had met his Savior for the first time face to face.

The thing about Duane is, I know his family will miss him like crazy.  Duane left a GIANT hole in this world.  He was loved by a lot of people and he loved a lot of people.  He left a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful daughters and a grand baby, he left his parents and brothers and sister, and nieces and nephews and cousins, and aunts and uncles, and every kind of in-law you can have and many friends, and the list goes on and on. I know this about Duane though, he didn't leave this world with any words or actions of love unsaid or undone.  Duane was always open and loving to those he cared about.  He didn't wait until he was sick to connect with people or tell people he loved them, he told them his whole life.  He lived his life in love,

  in words and action, he made it very clear to anyone who knew him.

He loved his wife and kids, so well and so much, it was clear for all to see, if you were close or at a distance, if you knew Duane, you knew about his wife and his girls.

 His love was big and true and obvious.

He loved people well, because he knew God well.

He knew LOVE well!

As adults, I didn't' see a whole lot of Duane, but when I did, our conversation was always meaningful and memorable. 

 I think everyone that knew him would say the same.

  He was a guy that was usually the quietest in the room, but had the best things to say. 

 He didn't have to have all the attention on him, but if you gave him your attention, you left with something good.

The thing I've been thinking about though, since I know he met Jesus face to face today; I wonder what he would say to anyone who could hear him today..............

I think Duane would say the same thing he said his whole life:

Jesus is worth giving your life to.

  He is better than what we can even wrap our minds around. 

 I think he would look at us, anyone who would listen, and give that gorgeous Duane smile, with that perfect twinkle in his eye, and giggle a little and shake his head just slightly and say,

 "Jesus is worth EVERYTHING we can give Him and more.  This is awesome!  See you when you get here and until then, I'm in good hands, and I'm telling you, He is worth it. 

 Go get HIM.

  Give Him all you've got!!! 

 He is amazing and He is worthy of all praise."

I've thought about why people are so fired up over President Trump's statement about shithole countries.  It's just a total lack of respect for people.  Maybe that seems obvious to some, but some people don't get that because they keep defending his statement.  It's not about the cuss word or the fact that he is blunt, it's the heart behind his statement.

Let me break it down....I know some people that I love with every part of my being, and they grew up in some of the ugliest and worst conditions you can even imagine in this country and other countries.  Now, mind you they had no choice of living in those conditions.  I have gone and visited some of those areas and it breaks my heart and also humbles me every single time.   I would NOT ever call any of those places a shithole.  There are people living there that I love, and some of our kids are from these places.  If I were to call it a shithole, I'm totally disrespecting where they are from, which is part of who they are.  It's like when someone has complete idiots for parents, you can be honest about their shortcomings,  but you don't demean or disrespect them as a person, if you do, you are demeaning and disrespecting part of who THEY are. 

I have walked thru some pretty tough slums, and there are many beautiful people that are more thankful for the life that they have than many well off Americans.

We don't get to choose where we are from or who our family is, but it is very much a part of who we are.  I don't care how rough someone's upbringing is or their current conditions, they don't want to be told they are from shit or the product of shitty people.

*not trying to stir up old news...but I was cleaning up my blog and saw that I hadn't posted.*

Faith and Fear - Life Drama

I thought the more kids I raised the more confident I would be about parenting.  The exact opposite is is actually true.  I find myself wanting to just close up and shut down until it's over, like a scary movie that you don't know how it will end.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but the deeper I go into this whole "mom" gig the more I experience, the more humbled and exposed I feel.  My tendency is to react in fear,  just grab on to what little faith I have left and hold on tight, and wait until Jesus comes back.  It's like, the more you know, the more there is to fear.

In months past I prayed that Charlie and I would stay in this race of faith and that we would end this life journey in a sprint with nothing left.  I just don't want to lose ground with Jesus.  I have tasted some of the sweetness of communion with Him, and seen glimpses of His beauty, and I don't want to lose track of that.  I see too many people, when it gets hard, and man does it get hard, get discouraged, hurt and too exhausted and they take their race pace down to a crawl or resort to the fetal position, curled up on this track of life,  waiting for time to run out.

  I prayed this prayer in a season of strong faith and good running conditions.  The race felt exhilarating and exciting.... my faith felt full and alive.  

Only God knew what was coming...

  I feel anything but exhilarated and excited at the moment. Life feels hard, my faith feels small, and I want to just curl up and pray I make it through the day.  It's a stupid thing to say when you look at all that God has done in our lives and the way He has shown Himself so powerful and kind, but it is the truth of where things are at the moment.

I have learned in my own life, and in reading the Bible, that often times when there has been a mighty move of God in someone's life experience, it is often followed up by fear and doubt and temptation.

  Elijah the prophet, called fire down from heaven and watched God show Himself so powerful and mighty and he followed it up by running away from a verbal threat and sitting down exhausted and wanting to die.

The disciples that walked with Jesus in the flesh, and watched as He performed  miracles on many occasions, would often follow up a day of mighty miracles with being caught in a storm or situation that they would respond in fear and doubt.

How does this even happen?  This feeling of faith to fear in the matter of minutes.

Matthew 8:25-27English Standard Version (ESV)

25 And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” 26 And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. 27 And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?”

God has poured on His love and power and grace so huge and tangibly to our family in the last few months and it has felt like one miracle after another.  

To highlight a few:  

We had the most amazing time in Uganda, God showed up and showed off everyday we were there! 

 Lashae and Chaney made another GRAND announcement, and then we soon added to the joy that there is actually

 TWIN GRANDS!  

Every baby is a miracle, but TWINS!!!

is our God showing off miracles two at a time.

 We celebrated our son Kole (who claimed he was going to be single forever) marrying his new bride, the most amazing girl, our first Daughter in Love!

  We were surrounded by all our children and grands and parents for the wedding celebration.   

Many more friends and family who came from every corner  of this country came to celebrate with us.  

God held off the rain and storm just long enough for us to get all our celebrating done.

Now, the storm has hit in several areas and my tendency is to respond in fear, cling on to the little faith I can clinch in my tight fist, and just hang on for dear life.  

This is no way to live and run this race of faith, but it is a struggle in the midst of the storm.

 I'm asking God to calm the storms and open my heart and hands, give me a second (or millionth)

 wind,

 and run to Him with joy and not sit and shake in fear.

Philippians 2:14-18New Living Translation (NLT)

14 Do everything without complaining and arguing, 15 so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. 16 Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. 17 But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. 18 Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy.

**** I use this blog to journal my journey and hopefully it can speak to others as well as remind me. I tell the truth and sometimes it sounds dramatic.  

Life is dramatic  for everyone, but some are just louder than others. 

I know where my hope comes from and He has my life and every storm right in His sights and in His hands!****

Poverty vs. Abundance

Uganda’s big problem is poverty and America’s is abundance and they both have the same end.

This was Pastor Tuckers statement on one Sunday when we were there,  and he nailed it.

Either way can make us stop trusting God.

Proverbs 30:7-9

Two things I ask of you;
    deny them not to me before I die:
⁸ Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
    give me neither poverty nor riches;
    feed me with the food that is needful for me,
⁹ lest I be full and deny you
    and say, “Who is the Lord?”
or lest I be poor and steal
    and profane the name of my God.

I’ve seen both extremes.  Both are sad.  Poverty looks, feels, and smells worse, because there's really no way to hide it.  Abundance is equally dangerous and probably worse because it's deceptive.  If we have all the pleasures and comforts of this world and we forget God we are lost.

Abundance can lead us astray because we often begin to think it's God's blessing.  I don't think God wants credit for our idolatry. I have no doubt everything we have is from God, the very air we breathe is from God, but if we start thinking that God is showing His approval of us by giving us more stuff and money, if that is our measure, than what are we saying about children born into poverty?
Whether we are living in poverty or abundance...we are all in need.  We need Him, we need Him in every circumstance and in every situation, in every economy and every culture.  It's just easier to see to see the need when the person lives in poverty.

I hear a lot about "culture" when people are trying to understand differences....I don't know the "culture"...it's just our "culture".....what is the "culture" like....that would never fly in our "culture".

If we are Christian, isn't our "culture" all the same no matter where we live?  We are to live the "Jesus culture"....so even though there may be differences in language and foods and transportation, politics, and education....we should use the Word of God as our "culture" guide.  I think it is important to study "culture" to understand people, but I think it's even more important to study the Word of God, so we understand the "culture" we live, for those who follow Jesus.

May we give Him our lives, and trust God with everything, no matter where we live or our financial status or living conditions.