The words that I felt like God just speaking to me for the year 2017 is:

 REMEMBER and TIMING.

Remember who God is and what He has done, and His timing which usually translates as

WAITING.

My mind and fb page has been flooded with memories lately.

The two big memories that I am camped on right now are when Lashae was a senior in high school, in 2010.  She told us that she had missions BIG on her heart.  She had no idea where or what or even why, but she knew she felt urgent about it!  

 I was soooooooo fine-ish with it, once she just finished high school with the honors that she had worked for all her student life, and had her college career well under way, and had saved all the money needed, and had the perfect opportunity, with the perfect safety measures, with a the perfect experience of 5,000 people around her, and the perfect suitcase and clothes and hair style and 

blah blah blah.

Then, my lovely brother-in-law, Justin, decided to answer God's call and throw together a mission team and go to Uganda and have it just a few weeks before my first born valedictorian daughter  graduated.

(It wasn't actually "thrown" together, there was a lot of planning and prayer that went into it, but to ME, the MOTHER, it felt THROWN together.)

 

  She was positive this was an opportunity that God was giving her.   I was positive it wasn't God at all,  and if it was, He must have forgotten He made me the mother.

  I reminded God, that He gave me a job to raise her and I was doing a pretty fantastic job until He came along and took over her heart, before she was even 18 of all things. 

 I mean I wanted her to love Jesus, but not do anything out of order, she could sing songs and pray and go to a few Bible studies and then, when her life was in order, and she was an adult, she could do something that He laid on her heart. 

 His timing seemed so wrong.

As it turned out....she went, and Charlie got to go,  and God messed him up too.  Charlie spent the whole time NOT watching our daughter, which is what he was SENT for 

(according to me.)

  He was too busy crying and dealing with His own heart that was being changed and lit on fire for Jesus.

  Charlie came back with a passion for Jesus that I had never seen in him, and he was listening to the Holy Spirit and responding in a way that is still effecting lives.

  God's timing messed with me! 

 As my husband was NOT watching our daughter, but falling in deep crazy love with Jesus and sponsoring kids and committing to adopting our daughter, I was at home getting served papers on the foreclosure of our house. 

A few weeks after Lashae and Charlie returned from their first trip, they were at a church sharing about their Uganda trip; it was at that service, Charlie announced that we were going to pursue adopting Esther, as I  was in the car having a wrestling match with God over it.

  I explained to Him that I had a heart for adoption, and I could tell this was our girl by Charlie's love for her, but I reminded Him that we were in a financial hardship and I would be happy to follow His lead just as soon as he straightened out our mess.  God, thankfully did not listen to my plan and timing, He faithfully led us thru the adoption process at the same time that we were dealing with a financial mess.  This was 7 years ago, and  our daughter has been home for almost 6 years now, and our house situation is still not fixed.  God has been faithful and generous to provide, above and beyond everything we need and ask for. 

 He has taught us a lot about  REMEMBERING to trust Him and His TIMING.

  He has taught us to obey even when it makes no sense to us or anyone else at the time.  

 

There have been several things that God has lead us into, without any doubt, that I thought we would be right in that place for a long time.....and it ended up being a short season.

Then there are situations that I'm sure He is going to resolve and fix or get us out of very quickly and we remain right there for a looooooooooooooong time.

I don't get it, and I don't like it,

but I have learned to TRUST Him

(more.)

 It may not look pretty and I can't hear the angels singing, but I can REMEMBER where we were and WHO we are following and it's all worth it.

Following Jesus, and His leading in our lives, is messier than I ever thought it could be, and more beautiful than I can see with my eyes, 

 it's harder than I ever imagined and more wonderful than I ever knew possible.