I'm Coming Out of the Closet

We had such a good time at Bible study yesterday. I am blessed enough to be a part of the best group of ladies IN THE WORLD!!! I will argue my case until I am blue in the face.....my ladies...my Bible Study...THE BEST IN THE WORLD! (I know it's not my ladies or my Bible Study...but I just like to talk like they are all MINE because I will claim each of them and they are just sweet enough to claim me back!! )

We laughed until we cried. So what were we laughing about???? Well, I finally mustered up the guts to tell everyone that I AM PREGNANT. Yes, you read correctly.

I have had a little of trouble talking about it or accepting it....I'm not so proud of that aspect....but, I was NOT expecting to BE EXPECTING!!! I mean, I just DID NOT even have it on the radar screen...and when I found out, we left just 2 days later to travel to Africa, to go to court for my precious Esther. I have NEVER been so sick. Jet lag...morning sickness...and shock are a rough combination. It was a trip that I made it through ONLY by the COMPLETE GRACE of God himself!!!

We did not tell anyone for a while...we needed to focus on getting our Esther home!

I ended up telling my kids and family ...mostly because they were beginning to wonder what was the matter with me...I was sick and pale and tired beyond!!! I was glad I told them they were each such great support and encouragement!!!

This has been my hardest pregnancy....and it was going on at the same time as the adoption pregnancy which was just plain HARD!!!!

I am now feeling joy, and I have apologized to the Lord for not trusting Him and His perfect timing. This baby....IS A BLESSING!!!

I know that I know that I know that He has given me this baby as a gift ( as each and every child is a gift) and one of those gifts is for Esther to experience in her own home in her own family....LOVING ON A CHILD FROM DAY ONE. Esther will see for the first time in her young life what a mother does when she has a baby, how she LOVES it and holds it and nurtures it. All the kids are excited for this little blessing, but it will just change Esther's perception of family and hopefully fill in some spots in her little heart that have holes from not knowing how a mama loves on a baby and protects and treasures it from day one FOREVER!!!!

So, the reason we were laughing until we cried, is because we are all women and we all know the feelings and emotions and ups and downs and hormones and "unexpected turns" and "unexpected blessings" and I got a ton of love and encouragement and now I'm coming out of the closet!!!

I'm 40 years old..pregnant....overwhelmed....laughing....crying...throwing a fit.....throwing up....thanking God for "unexpected blessings".........overjoyed....having a ball.....wrung out....behind....looking ahead.... AND EXCITED about all that God has for me!!

I'm so glad that God does NOT operate based on my feelings, but is Sovereign and All-knowing, All-Mighty, and Gracious and knows me better than anyone EVER....and yet STILL loves me and can handle me....even my fits and my fears and has the patience and Love to work with me right where I am!

I'm due September 15!!! I'm so excited to take my girls to the next ultra-sound. They are going to LOVE it. Charsie went to the last ulta-sound and has been an amazing encourager and support!! I would think she would be throwing a fit bigger than mine because she has to help so much already, but she is thrilled. Charsie and Lashae are totally experienced in all this; they were right there even at the birth with Reece.

We tried to explain an ulta-sound to Esther, but she still does not even trust the microwave, so this will be a hoot!