A Hart for Esther - Leaving my Pride

Please click on A Hart for Esther if you are looking for details concerning the raffle to bring our daughter home.

This post is going to be rough and raw and jumbled, so hear my heart. This raffle has been amazing in so many ways; one day when I was praying and asking God to please provide the funds to bring Esther home, He very clearly brought the Hart trailer to mind. I had no idea what this would look like. We have tried to sell the trailer a couple of times throughout this journey and nothing has happened. It is a top of the line horse trailer in hard economic times, so not something that is flying off the market. Anyway, we talked about it and prayed about it, and the raffle is what God laid on our hearts to do. He has blessed A Hart for Esther in so many ways. We have had good sales and countless prayers and support in every way imaginable. We have had the kindest things said to us and posted about us, we have had encouraging notes from people we do not know, and many that we do know. It is so amazing, but we are NOT worthy of all this...I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT!!!

We are NOT worthy, of anything, there is not a person on this planet worthy of what Jesus did for us, but we all have the opportunity to accept the gift of salvation, and that is what it is, it is a gift. Well I have had to also accept gifts from people in order to bring Esther home. Gifts of encouragement, gifts of prayers and gifts of money.

This has been a time of refining for me. I have been humbled and loved on and held up in ways I never thought I would need. It's NOT easy dying to self and getting rid of pride. With each gift and ticket and donation and prayer I have to graciously accept. I have to because I want to get our daughter home and this is the way the Lord is providing for it to happen. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, but it is not easy to my prideful self to just reach my hand out and say thank you. I want to do it on my own, I want to just do it myself and kind of be proud of my accomplishment and to keep to myself and just handle it as a family, privately. But the Lord is teaching me how to depend on HIM and the family of God. I can do NOTHING on my own. I need Him for EVERYTHING and I need His people. I need to accept the help the prayers the financial support. I need to fully understand and participate in the concept of a BODY OF CHRIST.

Everytime I begin to get prideful and think I just can't do this, it's too hard to need everybody, it's too hard to ask for help, it's too hard...I think of Esther, and I think if it were one of my other children I would not hold back, I would not stop for one second, I would not let my pride rule, I would ask everyone I knew, I would sell the clothes off my back to bring my child home. Well, Esther is my child, I just haven't had the pleasure of knowing her or holding her or bonding with her, but she is mine and she has been concieved in my heart and I am going to give my all, and leave my pride and accept all the beauty and help and support that people are so willing and abundantly giving.

I humbly and graciously say thank you!!!!